Always Be Prepared
by Oneturtledove
Summary: He should have embodied safety, security, and honor. Instead, he reeked of torture, hate, and death. But then Life threw a curveball. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Spoilers: Don't know yet.

A/N: Had idea for a while. Told brother. He worked out kinks in story. The end. This will be a multi-chapter, but the chapters will be short and probably far between, as work has taken over my life. Fair warning.

* * *

"It's 4 a.m." she grumbled.

"Pack a bag."

"Mulder-"

"I'll be there in 10."

"But-"

"I'm not sending us, Skinner is."

"That doesn't change the fact that it's 4 am."

"Scully-"

"I'll be ready by the time you get here. Where are we going?"

"Montana, through Boise."

"Oh joy," she mumbled, exchanging her pajama top for a camisole and blouse.

"I know."

"What case are we on?"

"Serial kidnapping and murder. Guy dumps one body, and within a week abducts another woman, crosses state lines and starts over."

"What's consistent?"

"All the bodies have been found at Boy Scout camps one to three weeks after they were reported missing."

"Boy Scout camps?"

"I'm profiling as we speak."

"I can't find my other shoe."

"Which one?"

"The black one with the heel..."

"Does it also fit your foot?"

"I was wearing them earlier."

"Look under your coffee table. You kicked them off halfway through the game."

"I was preparing to go to sleep."

"I'll make you a Yankees fan yet."

"I know you will."

"I just pulled up to your building."

"I'll brush my teeth and be right down."

She hung up her phone and went one quick round with the toothbrush before checking her bag to make sure she had everything she needed and heading downstairs.

"Here, breakfast," Mulder said as she slid into the car. He tossed her a package of chocolate covered mini donuts.

"But... I wanted a big bag of little donuts."

"You need to stop quoting movies at me."

"Noted," she replied, opening the package. "Want one?"

"Yes."

She handed him a donut and they drove on in silence as pre-dawn slowly crept over the sky. She tipped her head back against the seat and sighed. This was supposed to be a relaxing weekend. Yankees game last night, a Saturday of catching up on sleep and chores, and Sunday with her mom. Instead, she was headed to the airport before the sun was even up.

"Scully?"

"Hmm?"

"You're wearing the 'I hate my life and I want to go back to sleep' face."

"I don't hate my life, but I do want to go back to sleep."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"I know, but I'm still sorry."

"When does our flight leave?"

"An hour."

"Any stops?"

"Just one, but we don't change planes."

"Good. I'm taking a nap then."

"Can I have your peanuts?"

"Go for it."

"They should really start serving sunflower seeds on planes."

"Gross."

He pulled the car into the long term parking lot, and they got out, making sure the doors were locked.

The airport was pretty crowded for it being so early, and Mulder grabbed her hand so they wouldn't get separated. She wanted to roll her eyes at the action and his worry, but when it came down to it, she really didn't mind.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I do save each and every one of them, even if I don't write back. This chapter is another Johnny McShortandfat, but I kind of like them this way.

* * *

By the time the plane landed in Boise, their luggage was retrieved and they managed to get on the road, it was after 1 p.m. local time. Scully was trying really hard not to be cranky, but she had a crick in her neck and some caffeine would have been much appreciated.

"Hey look, Pocatello," she said, pointing to a passing freeway sign.

"Who?"

"Pocatello, Idaho. I had a friend from there. We called it Pokey Jello."

Mulder glanced over at her, not quite sure what to say. She returned the glance and smiled.

"Leave me alone, I'm tired."

"Obviously."

"Why'd Skinner book a flight through Boise? It would have been faster to fly into Spokane and make us drive the 8 hours than fly into Boise and make us drive for like 14."

"Skinner can't read a map."

"Neither can his secretary."

"He has a fill-in secretary right now. Arlene went on vacation, remember?"

"Well she needs to come back. This is ridiculous."

"What you don't want to spend 14 hours in a car with me without a radio?"

"We might actually have to talk to each other."

"We should have stopped and bought a travel Yahtzee game or something."

"I know. This sucks."

"Wanna play Truth or Dare?"

"You can't play that in a car. It turns into all truth and then we'll fight like all the other times we've tried to play that while sitting in a car."

"Maybe you need to take a nap."

"Are you my mother?"

"Dana, go to your room."

She smiled and leaned back against the seat, kicking her shoes off and tucking her feet up underneath her as best she could.

"Wake me if you want me to drive."

"I will."

Her eyes slowly slid shut and it was only a matter of minutes before she was in a dead sleep. He loved to watch her sleep. It was peaceful. Ever since the cancer and Emily, he had been paying careful attention to how she slept. He had noticed more restlessness; furrowed eyebrows, erratic breathing. Many nights he had stolen into her hotel room, hoping to somehow soothe her back into a normal sleeping pattern. Most times all it took was a hand on her forehead and he could chase the nightmare away. She never knew he did this, and he wasn't planning on telling her any time soon.

* * *

They arrived in Butte exhausted, hungry, and in desperate need of showers. They managed to find a hotel that was pretty clean, had two adjoining rooms available, and didn't cost too much. A minor success, but one they enjoyed.

Mulder called the local P.D. and agreed to meet with the sheriff in the morning. From there they would figure out their next step in the case.

"I'm going to go for a run in the morning. Want to come?" Mulder asked, flopping down onto her bed.

"I'm going for a root canal in the morning. Want to come?" Scully countered, scrunching a pillow up underneath her head.

"Got it. Will you be ready to go around 8?"

"I will if you get out of here and let me sleep."

"You slept for like 4 hours in the car."

"Yeah, but I only slept for 3 last night and... leave me alone."

He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Night, Scully."

"Night."

He made no effort to get off of the bed, and after a moment, she opened one eye and stared at him.

"Mulder, after going to three hotels and finally finding one that had two rooms, you actually want to share?"

"No, I just don't want to get up. How do you always manage to get a good mattress?"

"Our mattresses are probably exactly the same. You just want this one because I have it."

"I'm not five."

"You're not? Had me fooled."

"You were a bully growing up, weren't you?"

"I was like Scut Farkus's toadie from "A Christmas Story." Being short with red hair forced me into it."

"Forced into a life of crime- next on Geraldo."

"Your jokes get worse the tireder you get."

"Tireder?"

"More tired. Shut up."

He smiled and reached over for her hand.

"Scully?"

"Hmm?"

"I know I don't tell you this enough, but I'm glad you're here with me. I'm glad you're my partner. I wouldn't want anyone else."

"You don't have to tell me that, Mulder. I know already."

"Just making sure."

Their fingers danced together for a moment before he finally stood up.

"Catch you on the flip side, toadie."

"Night."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I am totally digging these short chapters. They are gonna get longer soon.

* * *

She always hated doing autopsies after someone else already had. It felt like breaking some kind of code. But Mulder insisted that she would find something that was missed, something that would break the case and get them out of this town faster. She couldn't argue with logic like that.

But then she didn't find anything new. She went over and over and over the body and found nothing that was missed, nothing that was misinterpreted, nothing that was even remotely curious. She worked all day, trying to find something that wasn't there. Her feet hurt, her hands hurt, and her head hurt. All she wanted was a hot shower. But the moment she walked into her hotel room and saw the big fluffy bed, dreams of a shower fell by the wayside. She threw herself down against the pillows, burying her face in them. The muscles in her back pulled and stretched painfully. Standing all day and then immediately laying down was not a good idea. It almost took her breath away, but the tension soon eased.

"Hey Scully-"

"I didn't find anything new, Mulder."

"I know that. I was just going to tell you that the metal residue they found was matched."

"To?"

"Dog tags."

"Like military issue?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think we're looking for someone with a military background?"

"I really hope not, but it's possible."

"I want to examine the very first body then," she declared, sitting up and running her hand through her hair.

"What?"

"The first victim was found at a camp a few hours north. She's been buried, but maybe we can get an exhumation order. The M.E. noted that there were some bruises on her neck. Small, round ones. It could be from the dog tag chains."

"Scully, that victim was just buried two days ago."

"I know. That's why we need the exhumation order."

"I want you to think about that for a minute. The family just laid her to rest. Do you have to have the body, or will the M.E.'s report with the pictures suffice?"

She sighed.

"You're right. I should look at everything we have before I request an exhumation."

"I'll call and get them to fax the report to the station."

"Thanks."

He sat down on the bed next to her and pulled out his cell phone. She watched him as he made the call, noting the clench of his jaw, the way he loosely held the phone, the way his eyes half closed as he listened, and how they sprang open when he started to speak. All things she had noticed before, but always in such an incognito way. She never felt right just watching him before, but suddenly tonight, she was able to observe unabashedly.

"They're going to fax the reports over in the morning. They have to get someone to release them or something. I don't know. Montana is weird."

"So now we wait?"

"Now we wait."

"Wonder what's on TV here."

"Nothing, and a Rodeo."

"I like Rodeos."

"Why?"

"They're exciting."

"Why?"

"Have you ever watched one? Every time they open that gate, you wonder if the rider will last or not. It's like Nascar. You want them to succeed, but you're honestly watching for the crashes. Rodeo just gets to the carnage faster."

"Faster than Nascar?"

She just smiled and clicked the TV on. After flipping through the channels, they finally settled on an old Don Knotts movie.

"I love Don Knotts," Scully commented.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And I still have a crush on Andy Griffith."

"He's like 200 years old."

"I don't care, he's the best man in the world. He's made of integrity, he has an amazing smile. And have you ever heard him sing?"

"Are you fangirling all over me?"

"Sorry. I've liked him since I was old enough to sit up."

"Wow."

"But this right here is my favorite Don Knotts movie."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's funny, and it has a good ending, and the thing he says on the porch... I've always wanted someone to say to me."

"You mean the thing about 'I'm an average guy and you're an above average girl, and average is just darn lucky to be sitting on a porch with above average'?"

"Yes."

"Well hey, average just darn lucky to be sitting here watching TV with above average."

"Aw, thanks Mulder. How did you know what line I was talking about?"

"I'm no stranger to this movie, Scully."

"Now you're neck and neck with Andy Griffith."

"High praise."

They settled in to watch the movie, slowly scooting closer and closer, relaxing more and more until the were both laying down, her head on his chest, and their eyes at half mast.

"Scully?"

"Hmmm?"

"I should go back to my room."

"Mmm."

"You're going to have to get up."

"Mmm."

"If I don't get up I'll stay here."

"Mmm-hmm."

"But the rules..." he said, starting to drift off.

"You don't care about the rules," she slurred back.

"You do."

"Not when I'm this," she yawned, "tired."

"Okay."

"Don't you dare tell anyone I let you sleep in here. I would never hear the end of it."

"Deal," he muttered as he drifted off to sleep. Her ear rested right over his heart, and it beat like a metronome, predictable and constant, guiding her comfortably into her dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This may be my favorite chapter so far. I don't know why.

* * *

His feet pounded on the sidewalk as he completed his second mile. One thing he loved about Montana was the wide open spaces. He could breathe out here, a luxury he never thought about until it was offered to him. Everything seemed a little simpler when there wasn't a huge building for miles around. He made fun of farming communities, snorted with derision at their slower way of life, but he firmly believed that living out here, just like that, would extend his life by many years. Less stress. Maybe he would retire here.

Retiring made him think of Scully. He'd fallen asleep in her room the night before last, and had managed to sleep through the night. He hadn't even moved in the whole seven hours; neither had she. He woke up comfortable, rested and happy, feelings he hadn't had in that combination since he was a kid. He knew though, that making a habit out of sleeping next to each other could become detrimental, not to mention add more to their codependency. So last night he had made sure to stay in his own room. Scully didn't mention it, but he could tell that she would have liked him to stay with her again.

They would never do this at home; maybe they could make that a rule. Whenever they were out of town, it was allowed. But once they went home, they would have to separate.

No, it was better to just avoid the whole thing. They had way too much to deal with anyway, and adding sleeping together (in the most literal translation of that phrase) would just be too much. He could love her and care for her and be her best friend, but until the conspiracies of the world were put to rest, and their stupid walls were torn down, the simpler things were, the better.

Mile three.

Of course, he would somehow have to justify the forehead kisses and the quick hand holds, and his undeniable desire to tuck her hair behind her ear. He was pretty good at stretching the truth, or twisting it to make it acceptable, so he was sure he could come up with something that they would both be comfortable with.

He began his fourth mile, heading back towards the hotel. They had a lot of work to do today. The autopsy pictures had come in from the first victim, and Scully had spent much of yesterday looking them over. Around lunch time, she had requested the reports from all the other victims as well. He didn't know how she could sit there at a desk and look at autopsy pictures while eating a plate of spaghetti, but it didn't surprise him that she could.

He had watched her from across the room for a long time, under the guise of looking over reports of his own. She had taken off her jacket, revealing a light blue sleeveless blouse underneath. She had her knee drawn up to her chest, and rested her chin on it every so often as she scanned the reports. Her glasses went on as she read and came off when she looked at the pictures. She chewed on her bottom lip absent-mindedly, used her pen to push her hair away from her face, all the while being oblivious to his observations.

He loved that.

He slowed his running as he got closer to the hotel, and was walking by the time he got there. Eight miles wasn't a bad way to start the morning. Not bad at all. He found that running even a mile or two started the day off better, and he didn't get as antsy later. He tried to get at least a quick jog in before meetings and evaluations. It kept him from jumping up and screaming foul, which kept Scully happy and Skinner's head from exploding. It was a win-win-win situation.

He showered and changed clothes quickly, then walked to the diner next door and picked up some breakfast. Scully was a bear in the mornings and the best way to turn her back into herself was with coffee and a pastry. A Danish was the best way to go, but a blueberry muffin would do the trick too. He smiled to himself as he thought about it. He knew her way too well.

He pushed their adjoining door open slowly, without knocking. The lights were still off, and he was surprised she was still in bed. Either she hadn't slept well and was trying to get in a few extra minutes, or she had slept so hard, her internal alarm had been silenced.

"Hey Scully," he whispered, setting breakfast down on the table.

There was no response from the direction of the bed, and he opened the shades on the window.

"Come on Scully, time to get up," he said, turning around to face her.

The bed was empty.

He stood there for a moment, wondering where she had gone. The bathroom door stood wide open; she wasn't in there. She didn't go for a run like he had- she preferred hers at night, as they helped her to sleep. There wasn't a note anywhere, and that's when he started to worry. It wasn't like her to take off without leaving a note. He circled the room, looking for anything that was out of place, or different from how it had been the night before. Everything looked in order. Her suitcase was in the same place, her clothes for the day were draped over the back of a chair, even her toothbrush hadn't moved. He was completing his second revolution around the room when he noticed that her door leading outside wasn't closed all the way. No light was coming through, but it wasn't latched. He turned on the light and looked closely at the door. He had made sure the door was locked when he left her last night. He always made sure.

He opened the door slowly, paying close attention to how it sounded, trying to get his subconscious to remind him if he had heard that sound in the night. He bowed his head in concentration, and that's when he noticed the small red stain on the light carpet. He started to feel dizzy as he realized what was going on.

Scully was not here.

She hadn't wanted to leave.

Someone had taken her.

She was hurt.

And it had all happened as he slept right next door.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter was really hard to write. I had no idea where it was going to go, and then it went places that I didn't really expect. There aren't going to be a whole lot of answers, and my peek into Scully's psyche may not be what most people would imagine, but that's what writing is all about I think.

* * *

It hurt to move. She was nauseous, dizzy, groggy, and had a headache. It was like being hungover after having been run down by a steam roller. She tried to move, but discovered that her wrists and ankles were tied. All she could manage was a small whimper.

"Dana, you're awake," a voice said from above her. "You took longer than the other women. I was afraid I had given you too much."

She tried to focus her eyes on the direction of the voice, but the man seemed to be moving.

"How are you feeling?"

She didn't answer.

"I asked you a question, Dana. I don't want to start out on the wrong foot here," he said, precise warning in his voice. "It would be well advised to answer me."

She swallowed, trying to figure out her best course of action. She had to answer, but how? Her inclination was to come off mean and sarcastic, but she was sure this situation would not be the best place to use her snarky skills. But making him think she was weak would probably not work in her favor either.

"I feel like crap," she said finally. Honesty is always the best policy of course.

"I'm sorry I had to do it this way. I didn't want you to fight me."

She heard a chair scraping the floor and suddenly felt that her captor was close to her. He smelled of Old Spice and sandalwood musk, just how her dad had smelled when she was growing up. She wasn't sure if that was comforting or nauseating at this point, so she just ignored it.

"You must be wondering who I am."

"Yes."

"I'm the one you've been looking for."

"What?"

"You're with the FBI. You're looking for the guy who killed all those women. It's me."

She was quiet for a long time. She should have known who he was from the second she opened her eyes. Looking back on her track record, it only held that the perpetrator they were looking for would find her. It would have been comical if her life weren't truly in danger.

"So then I'm your next victim."

"You're much calmer than the other women were when they realized what was going to befall them."

"I've had lots of practice."

"You think I'm sick, don't you?"

"I have no idea why you do what you do, and until I know that, I can't make a statement on what kind of person you are."

He was quiet as he contemplated this. No one had ever waited to judge him. And now, someone who should probably be judging, and who would most likely do it accurately refused to. He had picked well this time. He liked her.

"I appreciate that, Dana."

"You know my name, I should know yours. It's only fair."

"I don't think I can tell you that."

"Why not? You're going to kill me before I talk to anyone."

None of his other women had ever been like her. She was a challenge, an enigma. She could be his match. Finally, after so many years of looking, he had found what he needed. He might just keep this one, at least for a while.

"Gavin."

"Gavin," she echoed. "That's Scottish, right?"

She'd had a minor but longlasting obsession with the origins of names back when she was in college. Every time she met someone she would find out what their name meant, and where it came from. Interestingly enough most people were either exactly like or completely opposite of what their name meaning said they should be. People rarely fell in the middle.

"Yes. My mother was Scottish and my father was Irish."

"That's quite the explosive combination."

"We had a German Shepherd too."

She couldn't help but smile, despite the circumstances. If she was going to be tortured and murdered by someone, at least he had a sense of humor.

"I have to leave for a while, Dana. And I like you, but I don't trust you yet, so I'm going to have to tighten things up."

"What?"

He tightened the straps on her wrists until she could feel the blood throbbing through her hands. Her ankles were next, but he didn't make those so stiff.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said, shoving the gag into her mouth and securing it. "Don't scream."

His footsteps retreated and she heard the click of a door opening, then silence. It was then that she allowed herself to panic.

Where was she? Who was this guy? Why did he take her? How long would it be until he hurt her? When would he kill her? Would Mulder ever find her? Could she survive this? And if she did, could she live with it?

She pushed at the gag with her tongue, hoping to ease the tension a little, to make it easier to breathe if nothing else. It didn't work, and the gag tasted like metal which turned her stomach, so she stopped trying. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the darkness at all, which was discouraging. There was a soft, rhythmic whooshing noise in the distance, but she didn't know what it could be. She was sure Gavin had taken her to another Boy Scout camp, as was his MO. She just didn't know where. She supposed that she was in a cabin, and the whooshing noise was either a lake or a river, depending on the proximity. It was warm, but not terribly muggy. She tried to remember all the places she had lived that weren't muggy in the summer, but she couldn't think of any. They had always been near the ocean, and that was always muggy.

He had probably taken her away in a car. A plane or train wouldn't have worked. No one would let a man bring an unconscious woman with him, so where ever they were, Gavin would have had to drive. And it couldn't have been that long of a drive either. No longer than a day, as her sleep seemed to have been drug induced. She was in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming or one of the Dakotas.

Even if she believed in the psychic powers Mulder claimed they shared, she wouldn't be able to channel her location to him. In this dark anonymity, she felt more alone than she ever had in her life.

* * *

* * *

"Dana, wake up."

Her eyes flew open, but she was met with darkness. No light crept in to the room, and it hadn't in the past few days or so that she had been here. She was sure that it never would. The thought that she may never see anything again struck at her very soul.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long," Gavin said as he reached over to undo the gag. She opened and closed her mouth several times, working the sore muscles.

"Aren't you even going to greet me, Dana?"

"Hi," she whispered, wishing he would let her sit up.

"Did you miss me?"

She wasn't sure what to say, so she stayed silent.

"It's probably too soon for that. Eventually, you'll miss me when I go, just as a wife misses her husband."

"What?"

"Just be patient, Dana. You're a smart woman, you'll figure it out in a little while."

She sighed. Her mind had already been trying to figure out the game he was playing and none of her conclusions made her feel very safe.

"Where did you go?" she asked. In the last day, or however long it had been since she woke up the first time, she had found that keeping up a regular, normal conversation with him was best. He hadn't hurt her yet, which was a good thing, considering most of his victims had probably endured torture from the beginning.

"I needed to get some things at the store."

"Can I please have a drink of water? I'm so thirsty."

"I'm sorry, Dana, I can't do that. I am the only thing you need."

"If I don't have something to drink, I'll dehydrate and die. Soon. Do you really want that?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"Alright, you can have some water. I'll be right back."

He left the room and returned a few moments later, sitting down on the side of the bed. He brought the cup to her lips and she drank the tepid water greedily. He pulled it away long before she was done, but she knew it was best not to complain.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, reaching down to touch her face. She willed herself not to flinch at the contact. "You can have more later."

His hands moved down to her wrists, and he loosened the straps slowly. She was always curious about his ability to move so fluidly in the dark.

His fingers circled her wrist, gently rubbing at the sore skin. He'd done this several times, as if he was making up for binding her in the first place. If she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough, she could almost imagine that it was Mulder tending to her injuries. Almost.

"I'm sorry about this Dana, but I don't want to lose you. I have to keep you here."

"I know."

"You may not understand it," he said, moving on to her other wrist. "But this really is for your own good. You'll see that someday. You'll be grateful for it."

"I will?"

"Yes, you will."

She forced back the bile that was rising in her throat and nodded instead.

"Gavin?"

"Yes, Dana?"

"I don't feel like talking tonight," she said softly. He made her talk all the time. Asking her questions about her childhood, her job, her dreams. He seemed to have an endless supply of things to ask her, and he never seemed to tire of her voice. He would make her talk until her voice was gone, and then he would leave, and she would sleep.

"Why not?"

"Well... I don't know. It makes me tired."

"Sometimes we all have to do things we don't enjoy, Dana."

"I know," she answered. "I thought that maybe you could talk. You know everything about me, and I don't know anything about you."

"You know that I care for you. Isn't that enough?"

She hesitated, wanting nothing more than to scream at him, tell him he had no idea what he was talking about. But she knew that would only get her to an autopsy table faster.

"Yes, it is. But relationships go both ways. I just feel like I need to know you too. I don't even know what you look like."

"No light," he said, in the harshest voice she had heard him use. "No light. I am your only guide here. The light will lie to you."

"Alright," she agreed slowly. "I trust you."

"Thank you, Dana," he said, brushing her hair back from her face. "You don't know how much that means to me."

She just nodded and bit back the tears that had started to fall. Up until now she had been able to hold in the fright and the grief, but she just couldn't do it anymore. It spilled out in a way it never had, silent but intense, hiding nothing.

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked, still holding her face.

"Nothing," she lied, trying to think of a reason that would please him.

"Do you want to go back to your old life?" he questioned, his hands becoming tighter on her face.

"No, no. I just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm trying. It's just hard to forget."

His hands immediately went slack from her face and joined with hers.

"I know, Dana. It's very hard to forget. But try, please. For me."

She nodded.

"I'll try, Gavin. I'll try."

His hand returned to her face, and he slid one finger from her temple, down her cheek and across her lips. Every fiber of her being wanted to shove him away, but she knew she couldn't. She was completely helpless. All she could do was hold on to her own sanity, not allow herself to be taken over by him. That was the only power she had, and if she could somehow use that to outwit him, maybe she would have a chance. Maybe, just maybe he would put his trust in her, allow her more freedom. If she played along, eventually, he might untie her, let her be free. She took a deep breath and tried to rest in that thought.

* * *

"Where did you grow up?" Scully asked. Gavin finally told her that he would talk, but if she asked a question he didn't want to answer, she couldn't ask it again.

"Everywhere, like you. Dad was in the Marines."

"Was he gone a lot?"

"Yes."

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"No. It was just me and mom. I wasn't as lucky as you."

That simple phrase told her she was asking questions in a direction Gavin didn't want to go. She switched topics.

"Where did you go to college?"

"West Point."

"Which branch are you?"

"Marines. I wanted to please my parents."

"You wish you had picked something else?"

"I wanted to be a farmer."

"It's hard when what you want and what your parents want are different things."

"Your parents didn't want you to join the F.B.I.?"

"They would have preferred almost anything else. They sent me to med school with dreams of my own practice and an early retirement."

"Why didn't you do it?"

"I wanted to make a difference in the world. I thought I could do that through the F.B.I."

"And all it's gotten you is this. Kidnapped by a madman."

"You're not a madman. I've seen madmen, Gavin. I've been kidnapped by them before. And while I can't figure you out, I don't think you're a madman."

"You say you've been kidnapped before like it's a normal thing."

"It's not abnormal," she said quietly.

"You know," he said after a long pause. "You and I are a lot alike."

"I suppose we are."

She heard him shift a little, and something inside told her to run, but of course she couldn't. Her heart pounded in her throat as she felt him sit down next to her. His hands were on either side of her and he slowly moved towards her.

"Gavin-"

"Don't ruin it, Dana. We're so close. So close to being perfect."

"No, wait. Please."

"Why?"

"I just... please wait. Please, just be patient."

She couldn't believe she saying this. Convincing her captor that she wasn't ready to be with him. As if promising him something in the future. She wanted to push him away, fight him, injure him. She wanted to punish him for making her think like this, for forcing her to play this role. She hated him, and she had to get out soon.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, moving away. "I didn't mean to go too fast."

She felt a twinge of victory. Safe for a while longer, and finally having some pull.

"It's okay, Gavin. It doesn't change what I think about you."

"Thank you, Dana."

He sat quietly for a moment longer, then moved back to his chair. She held back the sigh of relief, and told her heart rate to slow down. She'd be fine.

"Dana, I'm going to go for a while. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay."

His feet shuffled towards the door and he slipped outside. She waited for several moments then sat up. She was immediately dizzy, but this was the first time he hadn't tied her down. Her ankles were still strapped, but if she got lucky, maybe she could get them off.

She struggled with them for a moment, trying to figure out how to get them loose. Without being able to see, it was almost impossible.

"Mulder," she muttered. "Mulder, you've got to find me."

The door swung open, and she could hear Gavin walking towards her, his footsteps faster than usual.

"I didn't want to believe it, Dana. I didn't want to believe you'd betray me, but I knew you would."

"Gavin, I-"

"No Dana. I thought you were the one I was looking for, but I guess I was wrong. I'd better deal with you the way I dealt with the others. It's time, Dana. Now is when it begins."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: If you could, if you would, in a box, with a Fox... listen to "Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol while reading this chapter. It will enhance it, I promise.

* * *

It was nothing short of a miracle, and even that word didn't begin to cover it. He'd never wished, hoped or prayed for anything more in his life. He spent three days on the suspect's profile, and finally, _finally_ after some surprising help from the military, they had a name. Gavin Alexander Rafferty. He had been dishonorably discharged from the Marines in April, under conditions that were not specified. He was one of three men that fit the profile. One other man was dead, and the other in prison for drunk driving.

Once they had a name and a face to go on, Mulder and several field agents had run quite probably the most extensive background check in the history of background checks. It had been a long process, but they had finally tracked down his mother, who had been more than happy to help them. She told them everything about her now wayward son, from the rewards he received in kindergarten, right down to the name of his prom date. It was halfway in to her stories that Mulder had jumped up from her couch and ran out the door, dialing Skinner on the way.

Scully was in northeast Washington. Rafferty had left all of his victims at camps that he had attended as a child. This camp was the only one left on the list. How everything came together so seamlessly was beyond him, but he would take it.

Scully had been missing for 9 days when Mulder's plane touched down in Washington. The local agents picked him up and they began the two hour drive to the camp. They had sent agents ahead to stake out the camp, but the area was so spread out, it was going to be hard to contain. They were starting in the main buildings and working out, slowly and quietly. No one around had reported seeing anyone coming or going from the camp, but that really didn't mean anything.

Mulder sat in the passenger seat, watching the pine trees and jagged rock formations pass by the window. He would never forgive himself if they didn't get there soon enough. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had always figured his luck would run out. He had been dreading that day, but he never thought it would come this soon.

They turned off the highway and onto a dirt road. It wound around the backside of the lake, past a few farms and lake houses. The trees became dense and the road narrowed almost impossibly right as they reached the camp. Mulder jumped out of the car almost before it stopped and walked right up to the man who seemed to be in charge.

"Agent Mulder?"

"Yes."

"I'm Agent Stine. We spoke on the phone."

"Yes. Have you found anything?"

"We found no signs of Rafferty or Agent Scully so far. There is a group of cabins about 2 miles down the road. I sent some agents on foot and I just heard back from them as you pulled up. They found fresh tire tracks. I told them to hold off going in until we got the okay from you. The car isn't there anymore, but that doesn't mean that he didn't ditch it somewhere and walk in."

"Let's go."

He hopped into Agent Stine's car and they got back out on the road. Mulder wanted to urge the man to go fast, but he knew the quieter they entered, the better. The two mile drive seemed much longer, and by the time they finally turned off the road, Mulder's heart was in his throat. He was well aware that he could find Scully dead in a matter of minutes.

Agent Stine had gathered his men and was giving them instructions on how to proceed. Quietly and efficiently was the basic idea. They nodded in understanding and fanned out again, groups of them checking each cabin. Mulder stood where he was, wanting more than anything to find her, but worried at the state she would be in. He wanted to stay here in this moment, still full of hope, not forced to face the reality of what could be. It wasn't long before the desire to hold her in his arms thrust him forward to join the search. They searched the cabins top to bottom, checked the bathrooms, and even walked through the brush, looking for any indication that Scully was still here.

"Agent Mulder, there's an equipment shed in the next clearing."

Mulder just looked at the man, then ran off in the direction he indicated. Branches flew in his face, but he didn't really pay them any mind. He skidded to a halt at the small equipment shed and he pulled the lock picking kit out of his pocket. His preparedness would have been ironic in another situation, but he really didn't have time for such trivial things right now.

The lock sprang open and he yanked the door open. The smell of dirt, grass and general mustiness hit his nose and it was so thick a feeling that he batted it away. The shed was filled with old sporting equipment, a lawnmower which had seen better days, and two hand saws, which were hanging on the wall. There was a wooden box in the corner, about five feet long by three feet tall. It too was locked. Mulder kicked the shed door open farther to allow more light in, and noticed the dust on top of the box. It had been disturbed recently.

His hands shook as if on a Richter scale as he tried to pick the lock. She was in here, he knew it. His mouth couldn't form words, his throat dried up and couldn't call to her. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his fingers from spasming as the rusty lock finally gave.

He hefted the box lid up and there she was. She was curled up into a ball, whimpering and trying to hide her eyes.

"Scully, Scully, it's me. It's Mulder. You're okay."

He reached down to touch her and she pulled away, as if in pain. He reached down again, slower this time, and touched her cheek. She didn't react as harshly, but he still wondered if she recognized him.

"Scully, it's me."

She turned to look at him, then groaned and covered her eyes.

"I'm going to lift you out, okay Scully?"

She nodded and he reached down into the box, lifting her out easily. She buried her face in his chest as they sunk to the floor, her bound hands grasping at his shirt.

"You're alright," he whispered, rocking her slowly, as he would a small child. His lips found her forehead and rested there for a long time until her whimpers died down.

"Are you hurt, Scully?" he asked, pulling away a little to look at her. She clutched his shirt harder, trying to hide her face.

"Is it the light? Too bright?"

She nodded and he moved her a little so her eyes were more protected from the sun.

"I'm going to take you home, sweetheart," he said, brushing her matted hair back from her face. "You're going to be just fine."

She nodded as he stood up from the floor and carried her out into the light.

* * *

A/N: This is not the last chapter. I'm really only about half done, I promise.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I know people aren't going to like this chapter, and I know it seems strange, and just... weird and stuff, but that's okay. It's going somewhere. At least I hope it is...

* * *

Mulder sat heavily in the hospital chair, tipping his head back and sighing. Scully had been admitted four hours ago. She was covered in bruises and cuts, was severely dehydrated, but her face had been scrubbed clean, and she would be okay.

He slid his hand into hers and she opened her eyes slightly, squinting from the small lamp next to her bed. He turned it off, then squeezed her hand.

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

She shrugged and he threaded his fingers through hers. She had yet to say a word to him or to anyone else. He knew that was not a good sign, but he just didn't have it in him to push her.

"Are you feeling okay?"

She nodded and reached for the cup of water that was next to her bed. He handed it to her and she drank a few sips before handing it back.

"Can I get you anything else?"

She shook her head, and he continued to stroke the back of her hand.

"Go back to sleep, Scully. I'm going to go make some phone calls and-"

He knew her well enough to read the panic in her eyes.

"Do you need me to stay?"

It was either the thought of him leaving or the realization that she needed him to stay that caused her panicky breathing. He moved from the chair to her bed, stroking her hair back from her face.

"I'll stay, Scully. I'll stay."

Her breathing slowed a little and she closed her eyes.

"Scully, I'm going to lay down with you, if that's okay."

She nodded and he scooted in next to her, laying on his side so they could both fit on the bed. He propped his head up with her extra pillow and held her hand gently. Her eyes didn't meet his until he leaned over and dropped a kiss on her forehead.

"I wasn't sure we'd find you this time, Scully," he confessed. She nodded in agreement and he snaked his arm under the pillow so he could pull her closer. "You weren't sure we would find you either, were you?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes, more in avoidance than exhaustion. He remained quiet, watching her face closely.

"Scully, I will always come for you. No matter what. You know that right?"

She gave him a small nod as a tear slipped down her cheek. He brushed it away and ran his fingers through her hair, hoping it would soothe her back to sleep, even just for a moment. He could feel the tension she carried as his fingers ran over her neck. It shouldn't be like this. It should never be like this. Not for Scully and not for anyone else.

He was going to catch this guy, and hopefully he would be alone when he did so he could deal with the problem in his own way.

* * *

* * *

Mulder was getting frustrated. It wasn't like he didn't understand, he just couldn't believe that it was happening to Scully. She still wasn't talking, and now that her eyes had adjusted to the light, she hated being in the dark. She didn't want to be alone, and a nurse sitting wither her wasn't good enough. It had to be Mulder. He'd only asked her once or twice about what happened, but each time she just shook her head and looked away.

She'd given up. She was letting Gavin win. And that is what frustrated him the most. His Scully would never let someone else win.

Either she had let him destroy who she was, or he did it by force. Either way, Scully didn't seem interested in getting better. She was content to lie in bed and stare out the window.

It was late on the third day when Mulder decided that this had to come into an end. He knew that he had to be careful of what he did and what he said, but he also had to remind himself that this was Scully. She wasn't a stranger, and he was probably more privy to the inner workings of her mind than she would be comfortable with.

He'd been pondering all day how to use that, when it finally dawned on him that the best conversations, the most important reveals, the biggest rescues had come from instinct. So he threw caution and his training to the wind and instead put faith in his knowledge of his partner.

He stood up from his chair, and her hand frantically grabbed for his.

"Scully, I'm just going to go for a while. You're perfectly safe here."

She shook her head and tightened her grasp.

"Scully, you can't avoid this anymore. I know you're hurting and confused and scared, but this isn't you. No matter what has happened, it was never able to change you like this. You have never just lay down and surrendered to what had happened. I can't help it along anymore. If you want me to stay, you have to say something. Otherwise, as much as it hurts both of us, I have to go."

He pulled slowly out of her grasp, kissed her forehead and headed for the door. He forced himself not to look back, told himself this was for her own good, but it really did hurt. It was quite possibly the worst thing he had ever had to do to someone. He knew that asking him to stay was not in her nature, but she'd been on the verge of asking him many times before. His right foot was halfway out the door when she finally made her decision.

"Please."

He whipped around at the sound of her voice. He hadn't heard it in almost two weeks, and just that one word was enough to make his heart leap into his throat.

"Please what, Scully?"

"Please...don't go."

He returned to her side and gathered her now shaking body in his arms. He rocked her back and forth for several minutes before she started to calm.

"I'm sorry I had to do that, Scully. I want to help you and I want to make this better but..."

"I know."

She drew in another shuddering breath, then looked up at him, the lamplight giving her hair a gentle glow.

"I want to disappear," she whispered. "Just forget and be forgotten."

"Why?"

All she could do was shrug. He wiped the tears off of her cheeks, then kissed their remnants away.

"Go to sleep, Scully. I'll stay."

"Thank you."

It was a long time before she fell asleep. Mulder laid there with her, wondering what was going through her head. Why did this event mark her so deeply? Why now, after all these years? And how long was it going to last? How long would it be before she could sleep without a lamp on? Would she ever return to the person he knew, or would she become a retreater, always hiding within herself when things got too hard? Would she always want to disappear? Would he always feel like part of her was missing?

He leaned down and kissed her forehead while letting out a sigh.

"What did he do to you, Scully?"


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This story just kind of... became something else. I thought I had a plan. Apparently, I did not have the right one. So, um... you're getting the right one now. I think I have to get it out of my system or something. I've written it before, but never posted it and never had anyone else read it. Hate it or date it, I don't care. Actually, I do. My brother really hates this idea, and I am still doing it. Just know this is a little teeny bit farfetched for me. But it won't go away. Look for a twist in the next few chapters.

_I'll be by your side whenever you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call, and please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you._ - Tenth Avenue North

* * *

Mulder thought that upon their return to DC, Scully would retreat back into her shell, construct her walls again, and come into the office on Monday like nothing had ever happened. That's what she always did. He never expected her to deviate from the norm and ask him to stay with her.

It actually wasn't so much asking as it was looking at him with those big blue eyes and keeping a tight grip on his hand. He simply nodded and kicked his shoes off. He didn't mind staying or taking care of her, but he didn't want her to lose her independence. He didn't want her to lose herself.

They spent the evening sitting on the couch channel surfing simply because neither of them could think of anything better to do. They sat closer than normal, and he could feel the tension radiating off of her. She was scared.

Her movements were guarded, she jumped at loud noises, and she was still scared of the dark. He was worried that this time had pushed her over that edge. This time, she might not be able to deal. This time, the bad guy might win.

"Scully?" he started, sliding his arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be okay, right?"

"I'm fine, Mulder," she answered moving just a bit away from him.

"No you're not. You're-"

"Don't tell me what I am, okay? If you knew what happened Mulder you might just.... you'd....maybe everything wouldn't be.... look, this isn't like other times, okay?" she shouted, standing up from the couch. "I can't just move on from this one."

"Scully, you have to. Deal with it and accept it, but rise above it. If you don't you're letting him win."

"Don't give me that crap, Mulder. I got away. I win. That's the end. Now let me do this my own way."

"Your own way is to not do anything. I'm not going to sit here and let you whimper like a kicked puppy for the rest of your life. That's not you. You're a fighter. You're better than this."

"Stop coddling me! Just stop! I can't take it anymore. Be there for me if you want, but stay out of my business!"

He cursed and threw the TV guide onto the coffee table as he stood up.

"What am I here for then? If you don't trust me enough to tell me things, then all I am is a warm body to make sure your lamp doesn't burn out in the middle of the night. Is that what you need?"

"That's not fair!"

"Yes it is, Scully. You've given up. I hate that you've done that. I hate that I can look right at you and not see you. I hate that you're hiding. I hate that I hate it because you don't need me mad at you right now, but Scully I swear, if I knew to do anything else, I would. I love you, but I can't watch this anymore. You're breaking my heart."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. She didn't need more guilt or anger or pain right now. He watched as her face twisted and her legs gave out and she sunk to the floor. Her hands flew up to her face and she tried to hide from him as the sobs started. His stomach clenched and he couldn't move. What had he done? Years of trust were gone. Gone at the time she needed it the most.

He was the most horrible person in the world, possibly worse than the man that had done this to her.

"Scully," he whispered, crouching down next to her and reaching for her hand. She yanked it away and for a moment he was afraid she was going to hit him.

"Don't touch me," she sobbed, moving as far away from him as she could before running into the wall.

She was scared of him. He'd never seen her like this before. He swallowed the sob that rose in his own throat.

"Scully," he started again, reminding himself not to touch her, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Don't yell at me!" she growled, her eyes snapping up to meet his, flashing with anger for a moment before the hurt came back. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"No Scully, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you. You did nothing wrong sweetheart. Please don't be afraid. I won't hurt you."

She continued to cry, but she did lift her head just a little. He reached his hand out slowly hoping she would accept it. Slowly, slowly his fingers crept closer until they landed on her shoulder. She flinched, but didn't move away.

"Scully."

"Please don't yell at me," she whispered. "Don't be mad. I'm sorry."

He finally got close enough that he could put his arms around her.

"I'm not mad, Scully. I'm scared for you, and I'm confused, and I'm frustrated that I can't fix it. But I'm not mad. Not at you. I won't yell anymore."

He felt like he was talking to a small child, but that's just how it came out.

"He yelled a lot, Mulder. He screamed at me and hit me and then he was sorry. He was so loud and I just... I just... I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"Think. Talk. I just want to forget it all."

He didn't know what to say, so he just held her.

* * *

The night terrors started that night. Scully had held onto Mulder, practically begging him not to leave her, and feeling guilty about before, he aborted his tough love plan and lay down with her. It took over an hour of soft talking and reassurances, but she finally surrendered to sleep. He watched her in the lamplight, wishing things were different. Wishing she could feel free, at least in her sleep if nothing else. She was so fragile in his arms. She was a fighter, but once Gavin had gotten inside her mind, it was no wonder she felt this way.

She'd been asleep for less than an hour when her breathing changed. It became erratic and loud and she soon started to whimper.

"Scully, wake up," Mulder said, brushing her hair from her face. She continued to squirm under his hands, her breathing becoming panicky.

"No!" she shouted finally, pushing him away with a strength he did not expect from her. It stunned him for a moment, but he was pulled back into reality when he felt her fists coming down on his chest.

"Scully, it's me," he hollered, trying to get a hold of her shoulders. She fought him harder, punching blindly and managing to get a few kicks in as well. He struggled to hold her down, worried about her own safety rather than his own. She was crying now, in terror more than anything else, and he knew he had to get her out of this. It wasn't good for her, and waking up suddenly would be better than dreaming like this.

He held her as tightly as he could, one arm around her chest, and both of his legs holding down her smaller ones. She managed to bite his hand before he reached the cup of water and splashed a few tablespoons in her face. She woke with a loud gasp and he loosened his hold on her.

She blinked a few times, then shot up from the bed and ran into the other room. He could hear her getting sick, heaving so hard she could barely breathe. He stood from the bed and went to her, his heart clenching at what he found. She was curled up on the bathmat, her arms around her stomach. She was sobbing for all she was worth, her body shaking to the point that her knees were clacking together.

He took the towel off the rack and crouched down beside her, wiping her face gently. He couldn't keep up with the tears though, so he opted for pulling her into his lap and letting her cry into his shirt. He didn't even realize he was humming until her sobs slowed and he could hear himself.

"Why me, Mulder?" she croaked as he kissed the top of her head.

"I don't know, sweetheart."

The answer wasn't good enough, but it was all he had. It was all he ever had, and he wasn't sure the future held anything more.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Into the dark, I tread lightly, hoping that the only flames that are sent are to light my way, not to alert the dingoes to my presence.

And what I mean by that is... if you hate it, I would rather not hear it. Not this time. Because this is simply something I have to get out of my system. Criticize anything else I write, but if you hate this one... just don't read it.

That said....

* * *

It was a week of interrupted sleep, water to the face, crying, being angry, and having new bruises in the morning that finally gave Mulder the courage to ask Scully if she wanted to talk to someone. He was afraid she would be angry at him for asking, but instead she looked up at him with a kind of wonder in her eyes.

"You think I should?"

"I think that if you're comfortable with it, you should try."

She was quiet for a few moments, biting her lip as she thought.

"There's a lot I don't remember. What if talking about it triggers something and I remember things that I don't want to remember?"

He sighed and took her hand.

"Then we'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

"Will you be disappointed in me if I don't go?"

"I would never be disappointed in you, Scully. Okay?"

"Alright."

"Take a while and think about it."

"Mulder, I want to sleep. I want to lay down and rest and not worry about what I'm going to dream. Maybe I need to do this."

"Are you sure?"

"I need to try."

And that's how Mulder found himself in the waiting room of Karen Kosseff's office on a Wednesday afternoon. He was flipping through a magazine, but was still on the second page 45 minutes into Scully's appointment. She walked through that door with her head high and he was hoping that was how she would come out.

He still wasn't sure if he wanted to know everything that had happened to her. She hadn't revealed much about what she knew, and she obviously couldn't tell him anything else. They both knew that she had repressed something, but they weren't sure what. He wasn't ready to find out, and he was pretty sure she wasn't either.

He sighed and tossed the magazine back onto the table. Maybe this idea wasn't so great. Sure, she was having a hard time, but it had been getting better. She was almost to the point where he could leave her during the day and she didn't have a panic attack. She had longer periods of sleep between her night terrors too.

Who was he kidding? She needed someone to help her, and he was not that person. He couldn't do it.

He checked his watch. Scully's appointment was supposed to be an hour long, but she had already been in there for 90 minutes. So he stood up from the chair and paced across the room. The knot in his stomach that had started the morning he discovered that she was gone had not been untangled when they found her. It had just become worse and worse until he seriously wondered if it would show up on an X-ray. He couldn't imagine what the stress was doing to her.

The office door creaked open and Scully stepped out slowly. Her face was red and tear tracked and she looked like she had retreated into herself. He wanted nothing more than to rush to her and hold her until she felt strong again, but when she looked up at him, he knew that wasn't a good idea.

Whatever had happened in that room, it struck his partner to her very core.

"Scully?"

She took a deep breath and met his eyes.

"I started to remember," she whispered.

"Remember what?"

She shuddered and stepped closer to him.

"I can't."

He lifted one hand, needed to touch her, to reassure her. The moment his fingertips brushed her cheek, she fell into his arms.

"Scully?"

"I don't know," she muttered into his shirt. "I don't know."

"What don't you know?"

She shook her head.

"I don't want to talk. Can we go?"

"Of course. Where do you want to go?"

She was quiet for a moment.

"Your place."

"Scully, I haven't been there since.... I mean, it's a total mess."

"Please, Mulder."

"Okay."

She kept a tight grip on his hand as they headed out to the car. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, trying to figure out what had gone on in that room. Her expression revealed nothing more than the strong desire to get out of dodge.

* * *

They entered his muggy apartment about 20 minutes later, and Scully headed straight for the couch. She curled herself up in the corner while Mulder opened the windows, trying to let in a little air. He sat down on the coffee table in front of her, reaching out and touching her hand.

"You want anything, Scully? I think I have... probably some water."

She nodded and he stood up, heading for the kitchen.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have some ice to throw in that water?"

"Yeah."

She gave him a little half smile before turning her attention back to her hands.

He didn't have any clean glasses, so he figured he'd better wash everything in the sink. The warm water sloshed between his fingers as he though about the woman sitting in the next room. He was about ninety-five percent sure that he knew what had happened, and what she had started to remember. He hoped he was wrong, but all signs pointed to it. It. Something so awful, so inhuman, so completely degrading that he couldn't even think the word. Four letters and his mind refused them. In a case, he was detached enough that he could spit the word out. It still tasted terrible, and he wanted with everything in him to erase such depravity from the world. But if this had happened to his partner, that was something he just couldn't deal with. How could someone do that to her? And how was she going to get through it? Did she remember it all? How was this going to affect the rest of her life? Especially now that Gavin had been on the run for so long and there were no clues coming in, despite a 10 minute story on _America's Most Wanted_. How would Scully live her life, knowing that the man who did this to her was still out there?

He finished with the dishes and filled them with ice water, then took them into the other room.

Scully was right where he had left her, her head tipped to the side and her eyes closed in sleep. He set the water on the table, then pulled the old blanket off the arm of the couch and tucked it around her. She mumbled something in her sleep and he paused his movements, afraid he had woken her. After a moment of silence, he moved her carefully so she was laying on the couch more comfortably. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then pulled the shades down so the sun wouldn't bother her.

He returned to the couch and slowly laid down with her. He kept his arms around her loosely, and after a moment or two, she slid her own arm around his waist.

"I'm still awake," she mumbled, her face buried in his chest.

"Go to sleep."

"Mulder," she started, moving to look up at him. "I don't want to talk about... today. What happened."

"You don't have to."

"But you have that look. You want to know."

"I'm pretty sure I already know, Scully. There is no way I am asking you to talk about it until you want to."

"I don't think it's hit me yet. I feel like it's a dream."

He just held her, knowing that soon she would start to feel it. And it wasn't going to be good.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Work kills. I hate it oh so much.

* * *

A week after her first session with Karen Kosseff, Scully went back to work. Mulder wasn't sure if it meant she was slowly recovering, or if she was trying to bury her emotions. He watched her carefully when he could, wanting to catch her before her breaking point. She acted mostly like nothing had happened. It was as if the last few weeks were erased. But then it was time to go home, and she got a look of terror in her eyes. He knew she wanted him there, and when it came down to it, he didn't have another choice. She was brave enough now to sleep in her bed alone, but she still liked Mulder to at least be out on the couch. The lamp next to her bed was always on.

Scully was sitting at the table reading her mail while Mulder finished making dinner. He never thought he could actually cook, much less that he would enjoy it. He was just taking the French bread out of the oven when he heard a strange sound come from Scully. It was somewhere between a squeak and a gasp, and he tossed the bread onto the counter and spun around.

Scully had turned the color of buttermilk and her hands were shaking as she looked at the paper in front of her.

"Scully?"

Her eyes slowly met his and he thought she might hyperventilate. He rushed over to her, taking the paper out of her hands and holding her close.

"Breathe, Scully. Just breathe."

Her skin felt clammy and he was worried she might be going into delayed shock. He picked her up quickly and took her into the other room. He settled them both into the couch and she leaned against him, her breathing slowing a little. He brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead.

"What happened?"

"The letter," she croaked, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"What letter?"

"On the table."

He moved her out of his lap and stood up to retrieve the letter. It was sitting on the table, the corner where he had grabbed it from her slightly crumpled. It was white paper, probably average printer paper. The handwriting sloped to one side, but was very precise otherwise. He didn't touch it, instead reading it where it lay.

_Dana,_

_I know you didn't want to leave me. How could you have? Don't worry. No matter what they say, I'll come back for you. I'm sorry how things happened. Maybe someday we'll get another chance. We just have to wait until it's safe. I miss you._

_Gavin_

Mulder nearly threw up as he read the letter. This man had ruined her life, and now he was back for more. He went to the cupboard and got a plastic bag, then used a pot holder to put the letter inside. Maybe there was some trace evidence on it that they could use to find him. He got another bag out to put the envelope into. It was addressed to Scully, care of the FBI. At least he hadn't found her home address yet. He sealed both bags and put them in his briefcase so she wouldn't have to see them again.

"Scully?"

"This is never going to end, is it Mulder?"

"What?" he asked, sitting down on the couch next to her.

"He's always going to be there, isn't he? If we find him, I'll always know where he is. If we don't, he'll always be out there. He'll keep sending me letters. I know he will. He's always going to be a part of my life. I don't know how to deal with that."

He slid his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him, closing her eyes.

"None of this happened because of anything I did, and I can't make it go away. I can't change it. I have no control over it. I never have any control over anything, but this one is the worst."

"Oh, sweetheart."

"I need to get out of here," she said, wiping away the few tears that had escaped from her eyes. "I need to go somewhere else."

"Like where?"

"I don't know. Can we just drive? Just get in the car and drive until we're out of gas. I don't want to think or feel, I just want to do."

"Okay. Let's go."

He grabbed his keys and her hand and pulled her out the door.

* * *

They drove north for almost an hour, the sun setting to their left and the ocean on their right. The radio played softly, and neither one of them spoke. They didn't really need to anymore. He understood, and she knew that, so it didn't really seem like there was anything else to say.

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over, Mulder."

He obeyed, pulling into one of the parking lots for beach goers. Scully got out of the car and before he knew what was happening, she was running down the beach. He got after the car and instinctually chased after her. At first he tried to catch up with her, but then thought it would be better to stay back.

They ran that way for almost a mile before Scully slowed, hunched over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath as she cried. He was glad to see this explosion of rage or fear, or whatever it was. It was good for her. She needed this to heal.

"Scully..."

"I can't do it anymore, Mulder. I can't fake that I'm okay. I just want out. I want to be done with it all. I hate feeling like that. I hate feeling desperate and lost and hopeless. But I can't feel another way. I just can't."

She sunk down into the sand and he joined her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You can, Scully, and you will. But it's not all going to happen overnight. Give yourself time. It's all going to be alright."

"I want it to be alright now."

"I know you do. So do I. But we don't have that option. So we're just going to work through it."

"We?"

"What, does that surprise you?"

"No, not at all."

He turned her face to his and wiped her tears away.

"It's not always going to be like this, Scully. I know it feels like it, but it's not. It's not hopeless, and you're not lost. Okay?"

She nodded and sniffled one last time before he helped her to stand up.

"Let's go home, Scully. We'll watch stupid TV and by the time you go to bed, your equilibrium will be back. Okay?"

"Thank you, Mulder."

"Anytime."

He took her hand and they walked back down the beach together.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: So this is the last big twist, I promise. Love it or hate it. I love it. I love conflict and angst so this to me is just... well I might be biased.

* * *

Mulder was sure that Scully would have been pacing if that wasn't such a dead give-away that something was wrong. She was biting her bottom lip and shooting glances at him every few minutes. He knew she wanted to say something, but he wasn't going to give her the easy way out. She was going to have to do this on her own.

When they came back from lunch, he shut the door behind them and made sure his body language remained open and understanding. That must have done the trick, because Scully came and perched on the edge of his desk, her hands clasped tightly together.

"Mulder, I need to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead."

"You're going to think I'm crazy."

"Scully, look who you're talking to. I don't think anything you say could make me think you're crazy."

"Mulder... I want you to just keep your mind open about this. I know your inclination will be to disagree with me, but I want you to hear all the evidence first."

"Okay, that's fair."

"I think... that even though it's supposed to be impossible, Mulder, I think I'm pregnant."

He just stared at her for a long time, wondering if this was a psychological break.

"I knew you would make that face."

"Scully, it's not that I don't believe you. I just... I thought you couldn't..."

"I know. There's something I never told you."

"What?"

"All those women, they told me that I would be barren. All the files we had said the same thing. But Mulder, in what was most probably the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life, I never went to the doctor."

"I thought you said you had."

"I couldn't. It was too final. If I just ignored it... it was much easier to deal with if I had that little chance that maybe it wasn't true. I know that doesn't seem like me. I know I have to have all the evidence, but in that instance, I just couldn't do it."

"So all this time, we've been wrong."

"I think so."

"Scully, what makes you think that... you're pregnant?"

"I have all the symptoms. Trouble sleeping, water retention, late cycle, morning sickness, headaches, mood swings. I know that it could be attributed to stress or depression, but Mulder, all of it together? What are the odds of that?"

"If you are... the baby, it would be... I mean, the father..."

"It would be Gavin. I'm trying not to think about that."

He reached over for her hands and found that they were freezing cold.

"Decreased circulation too," she added, lifting her eyes to meet his.

"Do you have a doctor's appointment?"

"No. I don't want a stranger to tell me. I bought a test. I'm going to take it tonight."

"How accurate would it be?"

"Six weeks along... it would be fairly accurate."

"Scully, do you want it to be positive?"

"I don't know."

* * *

It was the longest three minutes of his life. Scully had disappeared behind the bathroom door and he had to just sit here and wait. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if she was really pregnant. Besides all of the ramifications of it being Gavin's child, she would have to consider being a single parent. He knew she wanted to be a mother, but the way this happened... could she accept that? Could she deal with the hardships of being alone, being mom and dad? He was sure she could, but he might have to convince her of that.

And what about Gavin? What about the emotions that went with raising the child of your attacker? He wanted to just forget about those obstacles until they showed up, but he couldn't. They were too prominent. They couldn't be ignored.

The bathroom door squeaked open and Scully stepped out. For the first time since he had met her, he couldn't read her face. It was an expression he had never seen before. He crossed the room to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She didn't say anything, or even move for a long time.

"Scully?"

She just nodded. That was all the confirmation he needed.

Scully was going to be a mom.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks for not hating me. I'm not sure exactly how I want to do this from here on out. I know what I want to put in the story, but as far as timeline and such, I don't know. Bear with me.

* * *

_Six months later_

Mulder rolled his neck as he stepped off the elevator and walked towards the office. It had been a long meeting, and the only good thing about it is that it had eventually ended. If he heard the words "expense reports" one more time, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions. He had half a mind to sic a very pregnant and hormonal Scully on them, but he knew it was bad mojo to use your partner as a weapon.

He opened the office door and found her with her head down on her desk. He wasn't sure if he should wake her, or leave the room and let her sleep for a while. She'd been so tired lately, still trying to work a full forty hours, when in reality, she should probably have cut back to twenty. She never complained though, never let him know how she was feeling, good or bad. She kept to herself about the pregnancy, the baby, and any future plans. All he was sure of was her due date and that her brothers were hoping to fly in. It wasn't that she was trying to keep him out of anything. It was just that neither one of them really knew what to do in this situation.

He took his jacket off and draped it over her shoulders, then sat down at his own desk to go over the expense reports. They weren't in the field as much as they had been once, so there weren't as many hoops to jump through. He knew Scully missed the field work, but running and jumping and confronting evil men in dark alleyways was just not an option anymore.

Scully stirred a little and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Something has to be done about this," she muttered.

"I could get you a pillow," Mulder offered with a shrug.

She rolled her eyes and pushed her hair back into place.

"I'm sorry I keep slacking, Mulder."

"It's not slacking. Don't even worry about it. Besides, all those years, you never once fell asleep at your desk. You're just making up for lost time."

She smiled a little and took a deep breath.

"Mulder, can you do something for me?"

"Depends. What do you need?"

"I bought a crib last weekend. But I can't put it together because I can't really bend over or lift anything or perform really any basic functions without having to stop halfway through and... will you help me?"

"Of course I will. Tonight?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"I can bring dinner too. What are you eating these days?"

"Besides everything? Lots of ice-cream."

"So Thai food?"

"Sure."

He grinned and turned back to his work. Maybe she'd let him in, just a little.

* * *

"Hand me that screwdriver?" Mulder asked, holding his hand out. Scully gave him the tool, then repositioned herself for about the twelfth time on the floor. Mulder watched her out of the corner of his eye as he secured the last pieces of the crib together.

"Think it will hold?" she asked, a small smile creeping across her face.

"I hope so. I supposed you could test it out with bags of flour if you're worried."

"Nah, I trust you."

He held his hand out and helped her up from the floor. Her other hand moved to her stomach and she rubbed it gently. He had been noticing her doing that more and more. He just watched her for a while until she noticed his staring.

"Mulder? You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"Are you sure?" she asked, squeezing the hand she still held.

"Yeah. I just... never mind."

"You can tell me things, Mulder."

"Can you tell me things?"

"Like what?"

"Everything. You're doing this all alone. I know you aren't under obligation to tell me anything, but I... just..."

"I didn't know you wanted to know."

"I do."

"Then ask."

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Yes. A girl."

He smiled as she moved his hand to her stomach. He could feel a slight rippling movement under his fingers.

"She moves a lot," Scully supplied. "Especially when I'm trying to sleep. She knows your voice. Sometimes it wakes her up."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Scully?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you... happy?"

"Despite all the other stuff... yes. I am."

He pulled her close and hugged her, for the first time in months. She still fit right under his chin and he planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"Come on, let's get this crib into the other room."

They parted and he started to pull the crib towards what would soon be the baby's room. He got right in the doorway before he stopped, realizing that they needed about another inch of clearance on either side. They just looked at each other for a moment and smiled.

"Hand me that screwdriver?"

* * *

Two hours and quite a lot of cursing (from Mulder) and giggling (from Scully) later, the pair was sitting on the couch, watching old Saturday Night Live reruns. Scully had her feet propped up on the coffee table which was the only comfortable position she could find.

"Hey Scully?

"Yeah?"

"What am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"To the baby. Am I just one of your friends, or crazy uncle Mulder, or that guy with the bad ties?"

"Mulder," she started with a little chuckle. "You're not crazy, and your ties aren't all bad. As for what you'll be to her, I don't know. I haven't thought that far. I suppose that you'll be whatever she wants you to be, and whatever you want to be to her."

"Okay."

"Mulder, you'll be a part of her life. You're a part of mine and you always will be. She is going to be stuck with you whether she likes it or not."

"Thanks," he said, half sarcastic, but mostly sincere. She patted his hand.

"I wish I knew how to do this. I wish there was a guidebook or something so I could figure out how to make it easier."

"Scully, we'll figure things out. As long as she's happy and healthy, that's really all that matters, isn't it?"

"Yes. It is."

"Scully, are you sure you're dealing with everything okay?"

"I had to pull emotions out of it for a while, but yeah. I'm okay."

"Because you can talk to me if you want."

"I know. I've always known."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and kept his hand closed around hers. Maybe not always, but for now, everything would be okay.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: *cracks knuckles* Here goes, ladies and... probably just ladies, let's be real. If there are men out there reading this... I might want to marry you.

Stay off my back about the name. It would not go away. I even threw tennis balls and carrots and Handi-Snacks for it to fetch, but it just wouldn't leave.

* * *

Mulder stood quietly in the elevator, his head tipped back against the wall. He was exhausted. Maggie had called him five hours ago, telling him that Scully was in labor, they were taking her in for a c-section, and he had better get back into town. Easier said than done, as booking a flight from LaGuardia to Dulles at the last minute was a feat not accomplished by anyone, short of a presidential waiver. He'd eventually lucked out, told the local P.D. he had family business to take care of, and headed home.

He thought the plane ride was excruciating, but this elevator was taking forever. He half expected it to stop between floors because that would be just his luck. When it stopped on the fourth floor, where it was supposed to, he sent up a prayer of thanks, then stepped off. He quietly made his way across the hall and knocked gently on the door of room 412.

"Come in," came the quiet, sleepy reply from the other side. He opened the door gently and poked his head inside. Two small lamps illuminated the room in a warm glow, and Scully sat on the bed, a tiny pink bundle in her arms.

"Hi, Mulder," she said softly, a smile creeping across her face.

"Ready for a visitor?"

"Yeah. I've been waiting for you."

He smiled and perched on the side of her bed. The sight of her with a child -her child- in her arms made his heart constrict. Most of it was in a good way. He wanted her to be happy, and at this moment, she looked overjoyed. At the same time, part of it was bad, too. This was going to be hard. Not just raising a child alone, but waking up everyday and being reminded of the hell she had endured. Looking at her now though, that hell was very, very far from her mind.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, dropping a kiss onto her forehead.

"I'll let you know once the pain killers wear off."

He grinned a little and pulled the blankets back so he could see the baby. Her eyes were closed in the most peaceful sleep he had ever seen. She had light blonde hair that was only visible against the dark pink blankets. Her round, rosy cheeks curved gently down to her tiny puckered lips.

He fell in love.

"She's beautiful, Scully."

"Thank you. Do you want to hold her?"

"Really?"

"Of course."

The baby's eyes opened just slightly as they moved her, but closed again quickly. He cradled her close, feeling a surge of protectiveness and wonderment and something else he couldn't even place. He had never felt that before. He never even knew he was capable of such emotions. If he could just keep this moment, stare at the little person in his arms forever, he could die happy.

"Does she have a name yet?"

"We made it official about an hour ago. Weslynn Rose."

"I'm glad you picked that instead of that one name you threw at me."

"I threw a name at you? Did we even talk about names?"

"Well, I think you meant it mostly in jest, but I couldn't tell. You said you were naming her Winifred and calling her Winnie for short because you always loved _The Wonder Years_."

"I was completely joking. If I was going to name my daughter after a TV show, you would be holding a Topanga right now."

He bit back a laugh.

"I'm glad they didn't give you too many pain killers then."

She smiled and leaned back against the pillows, very obviously fighting sleep.

"Want me to go so you can get some rest?"

"No. Stay. You've been in New York all week. I missed you."

"I missed you too."

A long silence passed, the very first uncomfortable one he could remember. He wanted to say something, but the words just weren't there. They were both tired, emotions were high, and the happiness of the event was edged with anxiety. He could feel that pulsing off of her and he found her eyes with his, giving her the little bit of strength she needed to confess her thoughts.

"I'm scared, Mulder."

"Of what?"

"I look down at this perfect little girl, this tiny baby who I love more than I can even describe, and I'm so afraid. I wouldn't change a thing that happened. I wouldn't change any of it because no matter how bad it was, it brought me her. But I'm afraid that one day, she's going to want to know the truth. She's going to want to know who her father is and why he's not around and I don't think I can tell her that. I never want to lie to her, but I don't think I could ever look her in the eye and tell her the truth either."

Mulder sighed and looked down at Weslynn for a long time before answering.

"Someday, she'll have to know. How to tell her is something you will have to figure out as she gets older and you know how much she can handle. I don't know if this helps, but I'll be there for you. Anything you need. You know that, right?"

"I know."

She yawned deeply, causing her eyes to water.

"You need sleep," Mulder said, carefully standing from the bed.

"Sleep sounds really, really good."

"Do you want me to put her in this...uh... what do they call this thing? It's like an aquarium with a mattress in it."

"It's a bassinet, and yes, but let me have her for a minute first."

He handed Weslynn to Scully and watched what he would forever remember as Scully's first mommy moment. She cradled her daughter close, kissing her forehead, her nose and her cheeks, then stroking her hair back gently. She whispered something that he didn't hear, kissed Weslynn once more, then looked up at him.

"Okay, I think we're ready to part for the evening."

He smiled and settled Weslynn into the bassinet, giving her a couple kisses of his own.

"I'll be by tomorrow after work, if that's okay," he said, taking Scully's hand in his.

"Yeah."

He tipped her chin up gently, and rested his forehead on hers.

"I'm so proud of you, Scully."

"Thank you.

He pulled back and kissed her forehead one last time before standing from the bed.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."

"Goodnight, Mulder."

"'Night, Scully. I love you."

"I love you too."

He gave her hand a little squeeze, then left the room, letting the door close softly behind him.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Kinda short this time. Enjoy.

* * *

Over the past three months, they had fallen into a comfortable routine. Scully worked in the mornings, leaving Weslynn with her mom. When Mulder got off of work, he dropped by Scully's for a while, usually staying for dinner, sometimes later than that. It seemed that Weslynn grew and changed every day, and he didn't want to miss anything.

He walked in the door and found Scully in the living room, the phone in one hand, and a slobbery Weslynn in the other.

"Hey," he whispered, not wanting to disturb her phone call. She smiled at him and passed Weslynn to him.

"Hey Lynnie," he said, kissing her cheek. "I missed you today."

She kicked her legs and drooled in response.

"Have you learned to roll over yet, Chubbles?" he asked, settling down on the ground with her. She just laid there next to him her face set in firm determination as she kicked her right leg and tried to roll over. She fussed after a little while, and he moved her to her stomach. She was a pro at rolling over to her back. He grinned as she showed off her skills and stuck her chubby fist in her mouth.

"I think you should stop growing so fast, Lynnie."

She burbled back at him as Scully sat down on the couch, a long sigh escaping her lips.

"What's the matter?"

"Bill's going to be in town next week for some conference or something. He wants to stay here."

"Oh."

"I didn't know what to tell him."

"Well, if you guys are getting along alright."

"Yeah, we are. It's just... he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand anything. We don't fight, but I know he doesn't like how things turned out."

"Did he not want you to keep her?"

"No, it's not that. I'm not sure exactly what he wants from me. Maybe he just wishes it was easier or something, but it gets old after a while."

He reached up and patted her knee gently.

"Well, I know it may not help much, but sitting right here are two people who will never second guess you."

She grinned.

"Well, Wes might. About the time she turns thirteen."

"Enjoy this while it lasts."

"Yeah."

They fell into silence and he could hear her shifting around on the couch.

"Tired?"

"Yeah. She doesn't take an afternoon nap anymore. Which means I don't either."

He rolled his eyes as he looked up at her.

"What? I got used to them."

He smiled and lifted Weslynn into his lap, kissing her cheek gently. She let out a little baby sigh and settled her head into the crook of his neck. He rubbed her back and the three of them sat in silence for a while.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I did the right thing? Keeping her? Making her grow up without a father?"

"Scully, don't."

"I have to wonder, Mulder. What if she grows up always feeling like I didn't give her enough, like I failed her somehow? I don't want that for her."

"Scully, stop. She is going to be just fine. You love her. I love her. Your family loves her. She'll know that. It's going to be okay."

"I just worry."

"That's because you're a mom. You're going to be worried for the rest of her life."

"Thanks for the encouragement."

He chuckled and stood up from the floor, handing Weslynn to her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to make dinner. You get some rest."

"But-"

"Hey," he said, motioning to her now sleeping daughter. "You're supposed to sleep when she sleeps. Go for it."

She smiled as he leaned down and kissed each of their cheeks.

"Thanks, Mulder."

* * *

He rocked the chair slowly, not wanting the creaking noise to disturb the baby in his arms. Weslynn drank the bottle greedily, her legs kicking a little every few minutes. He loved this time of night with her. Quiet and calm, after her bath she was warm and cuddly and smelled like lavender. She watched him closely as she finished her bottle, her eyes locking on his before they drooped closed. He kissed her forehead and stood from the chair, crossing the room to her crib.

"Is she out?" Scully whispered from the doorway.

"Yeah."

Scully walked towards them leaning down to kiss Weslynn's sleep-sagged cheeks. Mulder settled the baby into the crib and they both slipped from the room.

"Scully?" Mulder asked as they moved into the living room.

"Yeah?"

"You're a good mother. You know that, right?"

"I think I do."

He pulled her into a hug, kissing the crown of her head.

"You are, Scully. Don't ever doubt that. Ever."

She nodded against his chest.

"Thank you."

"I'm going to go. See you on Monday."

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll always be around, right?"

"Try to get rid of me."

She grinned.

"Goodnight, Mulder."

"Night."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I hate writing "Six months later" or using "It had been a year since" to start my stories, and I am not sure how else to illustrate time here. Guess?

* * *

"Lynnie, you want some green beans?" Mulder asked, popping open the top of the jar.

Weslynn slapped her high chair tray, sending a few Cheerios flying.

"Shh, you'll wake up mommy."

She stared at him for a moment, then reached out for his tie. He surrendered it to her, knowing that she would keep grabbing for it until he gave it up anyway. He'd lost many, many ties to drool stains.

He didn't mind.

He popped his lips at her and she smiled, trying to mimic the noise.

"Pah. Pah, pah."

"Almost got it babe."

She stuck her finger in her mouth and played with the remaining Cheerios. She was definitely tired.

"Lets have some dinner and then you can have a bath and go to bed."

She looked at the spoonful of green beans, then grunted and pushed it away.

"Are you getting your mommy's flu?" he asked. She never refused food, and it worried him a little. He felt her forehead, which was warm, but not hot. He tried to feed her the beans again, but she wrinkled her nose and arched back from the spoon. He figured she would let him know when she was hungry.

"Come on, Lynnie. Let's go watch the Knicks game."

He picked her up and they headed for the couch. She settled into his chest, one tiny arm around his neck. He smiled as he realized how well she fit under his chin. It wasn't the same as having Scully there, but it still gave him a feeling of completeness.

He heard a cough from behind him and turned to find Scully in her bathrobe, her eyes red and watery.

"Hey. Feeling any better?"

"Do I look any better?"

He wisely chose not to answer.

"Did she eat?"

"Couple Cheerios. She doesn't seem hungry."

Scully leaned down and kissed Weslynn's cheek.

"Mommy."

"Hey baby."

Weslynn lifted her head a little and reached her hand out.

"I wish I could cuddle you, baby, but I don't want you to get sick. Mulder will take care of you tonight."

Weslynn looked at Mulder and smiled.

"Pah, pah, pah."

He popped his lips at her and she giggled.

"Pah, pah."

Scully grinned.

"If you're still okay with the rugrat, I'm going back to bed."

"We're fine. Got the Knicks game. Iced tea and a bottle in the fridge. Living the good life here."

"Okay. Wake me if you need me."

He squeezed her hand as she stood to leave.

"Feel better, Scully."

"I will. And thank you for this."

"I get to hand out with my favorite girl. This is not completely selfless."

"Well thanks anyway. Goodnight, Mulder."

"Night."

"Guess it's just you and me Lynn," he said as Scully's door closed.

Weslynn just sucked her fingers and stared at the TV.

"Yeah, that's my girl."

"Pah, pah, pah, pah."

"Can you say Mulder?"

She just stared at him for a moment.

"Pah, pah, pah."

"No, Mulder."

"Pah, pah, pah."

"All I'm good for is entertainment, huh?" he asked before popping his lips again.

* * *

A few hours later, Scully found Mulder and Weslynn asleep on the couch. Seeing them together, the most important people in her life, always made her heart jump. But now, in the blue glow of the TV, with Mulder's hand covering the whole of Weslynn's back, and both of them snoring softly, she couldn't help but let a few tears fall. She was always worried that Weslynn would grow up and feel like she was missing out on that special daddy/daughter relationship, that she would never feel that love. And while she wasn't going to lie or assume things, or use the words "dad" or "father" as a title for Mulder, she knew now that Weslynn would always have that love. Mulder loved her fiercely, as much, if not more than a biological father would. He may not be daddy for real, but Weslynn was lucky to have him. Luckiest kid on the planet, probably.

Scully smiled to herself and tucked a blanket around them. Her daughter. Her Mulder. Her family.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Yeah, I fast forwarded a little bit. Questions, concerns, garbonzo beans?

* * *

The package came for him in week three of his stay in New York. He was consulting on a case and hadn't been able to go home yet. He'd even missed Weslynn's third birthday. Needless to say, he was not enjoying this case.

He opened the slim box and found a VHS tape and a letter. The tape was labeled "For Papa" and the envelope was thick with a few pieces of paper. He slid his finger under the flap and opened it, finding a handwritten letter and a three pieces of construction paper. He unfolded the construction paper and found several Weslynn originals. Three stick figures holding hands, labeled 'Me' 'MoMMy' and 'pAPa' with a bright sun behind them. There was another of a black dog wearing tennis shoes, and yet another of some kind of purple and gray animal. He'd have to ask her about that one. He opened the letter next.

_Mulder,_

_As you can probably tell by now, we really miss you. Wes keeps asking when you're coming home from "Yew Nork." She's planning a tea party upon your arrival. She even knows what she's going to wear. And yes, I miss you too. Five minute phone calls every other day just don't cut it. But I know you'll be home eventually. _

_We made a video of the birthday party for you, so you wouldn't feel like you missed it. Wes loved the cake you sent and we saved a piece for you. It will only keep for another week though, so you might want to come home soon._

_Stay safe, Mulder. We love you!_

He smiled and popped the tape into the VCR. The video started with Weslynn spinning around the living room in a brand new dress.

"It's my birthday and I get candy and presents!" she was singing. Scully chuckled from behind the camera and Weslynn turned and looked at her.

"Hi mommy. This dress has a spinny skirt. See?"

She spun once again and Mulder chuckled at the bright pink converse on her feet. On the video, the doorbell rang, and Weslynn ran to open it.

"Grandma!" she shouted. "It's my birthday! We're having cake today and mommy made spaghetti and meatballs!"

"Well, that is your favorite. I don't think you would have picked anything else."

Mulder smiled to himself as he watched the rest of the party. Weslynn was happy, grinning from ear to ear the entire time. Her blonde curls bounced around her shoulders as she nearly jumped on the couch, waiting for her presents. He couldn't help but think back over her life. Her first words, the first time she had called him Papa, her first steps. The way she hugged him around the neck and kissed his cheek when he put her to bed. The feeling of her sitting beside him, watching the Yankees game, cheering just as loudly as he was. He knew he didn't deserve her, and was grateful to Scully every moment for letting him be a part of their lives.

The video stopped for a second, then restarted. Weslynn was sitting on her bed, playing with one of her stuffed animals.

"Wes, how old are you now?"

"I'm three!" she shouted, holding up three fingers.

"And what's your whole name?"

"Weslynn!"

"Weslynn what?"

"Weslynn Rose."

"Weslynn Rose what?"

"Weslynn Rose Scully, go to your room!"

Scully laughed.

"Jokes!" Weslynn said, making a goofy face.

"Honey, do you want to say anything to Papa on the video?"

"Um, like what?"

"Whatever you want."

"Okay. I miss you Papa. I want you to come home and play with my new toys with me. And we could go to the park, even though there's snow because we could have a snowball fight. But you would have to be careful, because I'm little."

She sighed and looked around the room.

"Okay mommy. That's all I could say."

"Alright, say bye."

"Bye Papa! I love you really a lot!"

She blew a kiss to him and the tape ended.

He could feel a few tears in his eyes. Never in his life had he wanted to go home more. Never in his life had he been able to say he had a home.

He rewound the tape and let it play once more as he drifted off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

"Baby, don't scratch."

"But it itches, mommy."

"I know. Do you want some more lotion?"

"Yes please."

Scully applied the calamine lotion to Weslynns's arms, where the worst of the chicken pox were. They probably wouldn't scar, but they did look fairly itchy, and Scully had to be proud of her daughter for not scratching them as much as she could have.

"Thank you, mommy. Can we go watch TV now?"

"Yeah, but no running. You're sick, remember?"

"But I don't feel sick. I don't even have to throw up."

She smiled and shook her head, following Weslynn into the other room where they had made a huge blanket fort.

"Mommy, can we leave this up for always?"

"I don't think so, sweetie. It was just kind of a special thing because you have to stay in bed anyway, so we might as well make it in a fort. When you get your bunk beds we'll make a fort on the bottom, okay?"

"Could we put glow stars in there?"

"Of course."

"You're the best mommy in the world."

"I'm glad you're easily pleased."

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Captain Question?"

"Did you have chicken pox when you were a little girl?"

"Yep. Your uncle Charlie and I had it at the same time."

"Was it itchy?"

"It wasn't too bad."

"Papa says that not too bad also means not too good."

"I guess so."

"Could I please scratch just the teeniest little bit?"

"No, sweetie. You don't want to have scars."

"Scar? Like on Lion King? He's scary."

"No sweetie. Scars like the one you have from when you fell off your bike."

"Oh. I don't want those kind neither."

"Do you want to take an oatmeal bath?"

"What is that?"

"It's a bath with oatmeal in it. It makes the itchies go away."

"Is that why my insides never itch? Because I eat oatmeal for breakfast?"

Scully chuckled and made a mental note to make a real note of that comment.

"I'll go run your bath. Don't scratch."

"I'll try."

She climbed out of the fort and went into the kitchen for the oatmeal. She wasn't really certain of the efficacy of oatmeal baths, but she was willing to try anything. Once Weslynn started scratching, she probably wouldn't stop. And that would drive both of them bonkers.

She started filling the tub just as the phone rang.

"I'll get it mommy!"

"No sweetie, let me-"

"Hello? Mommy, it's papa!"

She smiled and shook her head. Weslynn was cursed with a zest for life that often left her with a one track mind. It was a Scully family trait. Melissa had had it almost ten times worse.

"Mommy, he wants to talk to you," Weslynn said as she came into the bathroom, holding the phone out. "Is that my bath?"

"Yes it is. Why don't you go get some jammies while I talk to papa?"

"But I'm wearing jammies!"

"I know, but you're going to need clean ones after your bath."

"Okay. I will be back as fast as lightning."

She dashed out of the room and Scully chuckled before answering the phone.

"Hey Mulder."

"Hey. She sure sounds like she's feeling better."

"The fever didn't last too long."

"Do you guys need anything? I can drop it off on my way home."

"We might need more oatmeal," she said, pouring the rest of it into the tub.

"Alright. Anything else?"

"No, we're set for now. I'll let you know if I think of anything though."

"Alright. I'll be there in about an hour."

"Thanks Mulder."

"No problem. Bye."

She hung up the phone as Weslynn came back into the room, a pair of footy pajamas in each hand.

"I don't know if I should wear the blue or the purple ones."

"I think the purple. The blue ones have the zipper that always gets stuck."

"I forgot about that," she said, tossing the blue pajamas on the floor.

"Wes."

"I'll pick them up later. I'm sick right now."

She couldn't argue with logic like that.

"Alright. Get your clothes off and get into the tub."

"What if I get oatmeal in my hair?"

"Let me put it in a ponytail then," she said, taking a brush off of the counter. Weslynn was very particular about her hair. She loved to have it played with, but she didn't want anyone but Scully to brush or style it. The one time Mulder had tried, she screamed bloody murder. He had never made that mistake again, but often caught himself twisting her curls around his finger and watching them spring back into place.

Soon Weslynn was situated in the tub. She looked at the water, wrinkled her nose and looked up at Scully.

"This feels really funny, mommy."

"I know. But you don't itch anymore, do you?"

"Nope. Plus I smell like breakfast."

"Yes, you do."

"It's making me hungry."

"We'll have dinner later."

"Is papa coming over?"

"He's going to drop some things off and then go home."

"Why isn't he staying?"

"He's just going to go home tonight, baby."

"Is it because you guys had a fight?"

"What?"

"I heard you yelling at each other last time he was here. I was in my bed and I heard you arguing."

Scully sighed a little.

"Yeah, we did have an argument. But it's okay."

"Are you still mad at each other?"

"No, we're not. We just need to talk about some things."

"But he could stay for dinner, and you could talk when I go to bed. I won't listen this time. I promise."

"That's alright, sweetie. We'll talk about it later."

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course I do. He's my best friend. I will always love him, no matter what. You never have to worry about that, okay?"

"Okay mommy."

She was quiet for a while, filling a cup with water and pouring it over her toes.

"Can I ask a question and you won't get mad at me?"

"Of course."

"Were you and papa fighting about my daddy?"

Scully closed her eyes slowly, wondering now just how much of that conversation she had heard. It hadn't exactly been a neutral topic.

"You don't have to answer, mommy. Remember, we always get to say I don't want to talk about it."

"Honey, it was a grown up conversation."

"But it was about my daddy?"

"Partly, yes."

"What did you say about him?"

"Not very much, honey."

"Is he ever going to come and see me?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay. I probably wouldn't like him anyway."

"And why is that?"

"Because papa is the only boy I like!"

Scully chuckled.

"Baby girl, I don't know what I would do without you."

"Probably you would have to play dress up all by yourself."

* * *

"Please stay for dinner, papa." Weslynn begged, tugging on Mulder's hand. "I want you to. I'll even share my broccoli!"

"I wish I could honey, but I have some work I have to get done. I'll have dinner with you another night."

"But I said please."

"I know. Want to make a deal?"

"I like deals."

"When you're all better, if it's okay with mommy, I will take you out to dinner, just the two of us. Would that be okay?"

"YES! Can I, mommy?"

"Yes, that's fine."

She would never keep the two of them apart, no matter what her relationship with Mulder was. She'd made that promise to both of them a long time ago, and she wasn't going back on it.

"Alright. I'm going to go now, but once you're all better, you call me and we'll make a date. Deal?"

"Deal."

They shook on it and he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Go eat your dinner, honey."

"Okay. Bye papa."

She skipped off into the other room while Mulder headed for the door. He could feel Scully following him, and he slowly turned around to look at her.

"Can we talk?"

"Now?"

"Sooner rather than later. I don't want to fight with you anymore."

He nodded.

"Call me after you put her to bed. We'll talk."

"Deal."

He smiled a little and left the apartment, while Scully went back into the kitchen.

"Mommy, that tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife."

"Where in the world did you hear that?"

"Grandma. She says it when we watch her shows together."

"You watch soap operas with grandma?"

"Only sometimes. Mostly I read a book or color while she watches them. I think they're kind of boring actually."

She sighed and sat down at the table.

"Well, I'm glad you think that, honey."

"Are you and papa still in a fight?"

"No, honey, I don't think so. We have a lot to talk about, but we're not in a fight."

"Good. Can I have some more spaghetti?"

"Eat your broccoli first."

"I was actually planning on forgetting about that."

"Do you not want it cooked?"

"It feels slimy."

"If I brought you some regular broccoli, would you eat it?"

"Yep."

"Alright. You high maintenance child."

* * *

"Mulder, it's me."

"Hey."

"You have some time?"

"I always have time for you."

She smiled and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry about the other night. I was tired and it probably wasn't the best time to have that conversation. I shouldn't have yelled like that and… I'm sorry."

"It wasn't all you, Scully. I wasn't listening to what you were telling me. We do that sometimes. A lot more lately."

"I've noticed."

"Any idea why?"

"I don't know. Maybe we just don't talk to each other enough."

"What do you mean?"

"We're always together, at work or here, but, we never really talk. We just kind of exist together. By the time she goes to bed and we can actually talk about things, we're both so wiped out that we can't even say anything."

"I know. Maybe one of these days we just need to play hooky or something."

"Maybe."

"Are we okay, Scully?"

"We're okay."

"Good, because fighting with you is exhausting."

"I know exactly what you mean."

"See you in the morning."

"I'll bring coffee."

"Goodnight, Mulder."

"Night."

She hung up the phone with a deep sigh, glad that conversation was over. There was more they could have said, but it was enough for now. Enough to get them back to normal, whatever normal was. Maybe someday they would get everything out in the open, but for tonight, at least she could sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Scully sighed and rolled her neck, then flopped her head onto the back of the couch. She hadn't been sleeping well lately and she was probably coming down with a cold. Add to that the mountain of paperwork that they had to get done after their last bureaucratic nightmare of a case, and she was about ready to crawl into her bed and sleep for a week. Mulder reached over and patted her knee.

"Want to wait until morning? We have the weekend to finish this."

"I promised Wes I would take her to the zoo tomorrow. She's been begging to go for weeks."

"You go to bed. I'll finish this."

"Mulder, you know I can't do that. This is an equal partnership."

"You'd do the same for me."

She sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"No, let's get this done. I don't want it hanging over either one of us all weekend."

"Alright. But don't say I didn't try."

"Can I say you didn't try hard enough?"

"You're a pill."

"You love it."

"I put up with it."

She smiled and stretched, then grabbed another stack of papers that needed notations and signatures.

"Another movie?" Mulder asked, standing up and taking her empty coffee mug off of the table.

"Sure."

"And a refill?"

"Please."

He smiled and dropped a kiss on her head as he passed. She smiled and let out a cough sniffle combo.

"Need some cough syrup too?"

"If it tastes like coffee, then yes. Otherwise, I would rather wait this out."

"If that's how you feel, I suppose there's nothing I can do," he chuckled, returning to the room and handing her a cup of coffee.

"I am pretty stubborn I guess."

"And you've passed it along to your offspring," he added with a smirk.

"She just knows what she wants."

"Emphatically."

"That's a woman thing."

"I know."

He put another movie into the VCR and sat down next to her, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"We've really got to stop leaving the paper work undone for weeks on end," she said with a sigh.

"We spent an entire day throwing pencils at the ceiling."

"I'm a slow learner."

"An entire day."

"Shut up."

He reached over and grabbed half of the paper from her and started to work on them as the movie played softly. They both needed background noise to work sometimes, especially when they were this tired.

"Mommy! MOMMY!"

Scully jumped up from the couch. Never had she heard Weslynn scream like that. Mulder followed her and they plowed into Weslynn's bedroom to find her thrashing around, the blankets tangled around her arms and legs. She was crying in her sleep, and Scully sat down next to her.

"Wes, baby, you're okay. I'm right here," Scully said as Weslynn woke up.

"It was scary, mommy!" she wailed. Mulder sat down with them and freed her legs from the blankets. "There was big monsters with big teeth and they roared really loud. And they kept chasing me and chasing me and I fell down and they bited me. I ran again and I was in a maze and I couldn't get out. I heard you calling me and I couldn't get out, mommy!"

"It's alright, baby. It's all over. Deep breaths."

"They'll come back! They'll get me when I go to sleep!"

"No they won't sweetheart. It's a dream. It wasn't real, and it won't happen again."

"But they were big monsters! Bigger than Papa!"

Mulder chuckled and rubbed her back gently.

"Mommy, can I please sleep in your bed tonight?"

"Baby, you're going to be just fine."

"Please mommy."

"Alright. But just tonight."

"And Papa too?"

"I have to go home tonight, sweetie."

"But the monsters!"

Mulder caught Scully's eye over Weslynn's head, and she nodded.

"Alright, I'll stay."

"Let's go wash your face off, honey," Scully said, standing from the bed.

"Can I stay up for a while?"

"No, it's late. It's time to go to sleep."

She took Weslynn into the bathroom and Mulder went around the apartment, checking all the doors and windows, as he did every night. He turned off the lights, the TV and the coffee pot before making his way into Scully's bedroom. The girls were already tucked snugly into the bed, and he was glad he had been wearing sweats for the better part of the evening. It would have been very uncomfortable to sleep in jeans.

"Papa, can you check for monsters in mommy's closet?"

He did as she requested, then climbed into the bed.

"Go to sleep, Lynnie."

"Nobody's going to leave me, right?"

"Right," Mulder and Scully assured in unison. She nodded and closed her eyes, trusting that they would keep her safe as she slept. Mulder reached over and took Scully's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I suppose that paperwork is going to have to wait."

"Welcome to my life as a parent."

He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Goodnight, Scully."

"Goodnight."

He closed his eyes and fell asleep, content to hold his girls in his arms, even for just one night.


	19. Chapter 19

"But everyone has one!"

"Not everyone, Wes."

"Yeah they do! Even some kindergarteners have one. And I'm in first grade. I should have one too!"

"Weslynn, not everyone has a digital camera. You have a disposable one and that's just fine."

"But I can't see the picture right after I take it."

"It's better that way. Then when you get the pictures back, it's a surprise."

Weslynn thought for a moment, figuring that was a good compromise, then followed Scully away from the cameras.

"Alright, did we get everyone on our list?"

Weslynn pulled the crumpled paper out of her pocket and licked her lips before reading through the list.

"We got the slippers and bathrobe for grandma, and gift certificates for my aunts and uncles, some books and toys for my cousins, and a scarf for my teacher. All we have left is Papa."

"Yeah, we're going to have to figure something out. Nothing sounds good enough, does it?"

"No. We need to get him something really good."

"We'll figure it out later. There's still time before Christmas. Let's go ahead and get our bags out to the car, and then we can go have lunch, okay?"

"Can I get whatever I want?"

"Within reason."

"So that means no chocolate cake for lunch, doesn't it?"

"It certainly does. Can you carry one more bag?"

"Is it heavy?"

"It's not too heavy. I just don't have enough to fingers to find my keys."

They maneuvered the bags around until they were both comfortable, then headed out to the parking garage.

"Can we have lunch somewhere fancy, mommy? I want lemon in my water."

"Sure. Let's get our stuff in the car and then we'll call grandma and see if she wants to come too."

"Okay. Could we get appetizers? And dessert?"

"You must be hungry today."

"Shopping is hard work."

"That's very true."

The reached the car and Scully opened the trunk, wondering how they had managed to buy so much stuff in less than three hours. They put all the bags in the back, rearranging a few times to make it fit, then Scully closed the trunk and hit the button on the keychain to unlock the doors.

"Dana."

She spun around at the sound of her name, and even before her eyes focused on the person completely, her breath caught in her throat. She knew that voice, as well as she knew Mulder's, as well as she knew Weslynn's.

Gavin stepped out of the shadows, and she cursed herself for sleeping in and not finding a parking space that was closer to other cars.

"Hi, Dana," he repeated, stopping a few feet away from her.

"Mommy's who's that?"

"Wes, get in the car."

"But-"

"Weslynn, get in the car, now."

She didn't turn around to make sure Wes obeyed, but in a few seconds she heard the car door open and close.

"Go away, Gavin."

"I just wanted to see you."

"I said go away. Now."

"You don't have to worry, Dana. I'm not taking you away."

"You need to leave."

"I just want to talk to you. I've wanted to talk to you for weeks, and I figured this was as good a time as any."

She didn't know what to say, and years ago she had learned that it was best to let him take the lead in the conversation.

"I miss you, Dana. I know that I shouldn't come around, and I know what will happen if I get caught. But you were the only one who ever understood. You were the only one who ever cared. And I really needed to see you again."

"Gavin-"

"Your daughter is beautiful. She looks just like you."

"Don't."

He was quiet, staring intently past her and she knew he was looking at Weslynn. She stepped to the side to block his view.

"Dana, is she… is she mine?"

"No, she's not. You need to leave now, and don't come back."

"I'm sorry I upset you, Dana. You're right. I should leave."

He gave her a short nod, then moved away, back into the shadows. She stood there for several minutes, listening as his footsteps faded away and then became silent. She realized she'd been holding her breath, and she let it out quickly before running to the car and jumping into her seat.

"Mommy?"

"Wes, honey I need you to just be quiet, please."

She knew she was going to hyperventilate, and the rational side of her mind warned her to slow her breathing. But she couldn't do it. She began to feel like she had almost seven years ago. Afraid, floating, out of control. She didn't know what to do, so she just let it come. It would happen and then it would be over, and she could let her logical mind take over.

She felt a tiny, cool hand cover hers and she turned to find Weslynn, her eyes round with concern.

"Mommy? Are you okay? I'm scared."

"Fine," was all she could get out before she had to lay her head down on the steering wheel. She was faintly aware of the beeping of her phone, and Weslynn's wavering voice.

"Papa? Something is wrong with mommy. She's breathing really hard and she's crying. Some man came and talked to her. He was scary. He's gone now. He walked away. He stared at me. I couldn't hear what he said. Mommy looks bad, Papa. Please come get us. We were shopping and we parked in the big building. We didn't ride an elevator to get inside. Can you find us? I'll stay on the phone."

She knew she was scaring her daughter, but she just couldn't get control over herself. She tried to take deep breaths, but chills kept running up and down her spine, and the image of his face covered every corner of her mind. His voice was the worst though. She had heard nothing but his voice for days, and what felt like years. She still heard it, clear as day in her dreams, though she would never admit that to anyone. She was supposed to be fine and over it, but she had been just sliding by and faking it for so long. Now it was back to bite her.

It must have only been about twenty minutes, but it felt like an eternity later when Weslynn tapped on her arm to inform her of Mulder's arrival. He opened the door slowly and she looked up at him, finally able to calm down at least a little.

"Scully, what happened?" he asked, crouching down so he could look her in the eye.

"Gavin was here."

"What?"

"He's been watching us."

He grabbed her clenched hands and held them until they relaxed. She looked up at him and took a deep breath, not sure when it was that the hyperventilating had stopped.

"I'm going to take you home, okay?"

"Can't go home. He'll be there."

"He won't be there, Scully. He's come out of the woodwork, and he's going to hide again. That's who he is."

"I can't go home."

"Alright. I'll take you to my place, or to your moms. But you can't drive like this."

"I can make it. I'm okay."

"Scully."

She let out a shuddering sigh and tipped her head back against the seat.

"I don't know what to do."

"Just come with me, Scully. I'll have the gunmen come and get your car. Okay?"

"Alright."

He helped her move to his car and made sure she was comfortable before going back to get Weslynn. She was sitting there quietly, staring at the pattern on her jacket.

"Hey Lynnie.

"Papa, is mommy okay?"

"She'll be fine, sweetheart. She just got really scared."

"She looked sick."

"I know. I think she's just tired and needs some rest. She's okay. She didn't mean to scare you."

"Was that man bad, Papa?"

"Yes he was. But he's gone now. Okay?"

"Okay."

He lifted her out of the car and made sure it was locked up, then settled her into the backseat of his car. She sighed deeply and he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Everything is fine, sweetie. Don't worry."

"You got it covered, Papa?"

"Totally."

She smiled at him and he closed the door, then went around to the other side of the car.

"Ready to go?" he asked, reaching over and taking Scully's hand.

She nodded, already looking better.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here."

* * *

She spent the majority of the day sitting on the couch quietly. He knew she was trying to move on from the event without confronting it, and he suddenly realized what a good actress she had been these last few years. He had never once suspected that all was not right in Who-Ville. She had probably even lied to him about going to counseling. He could feel himself getting angry with her, but knew it wasn't going to help matters. He knew they needed to talk though, and as soon as Weslynn was sacked out on the floor, he turned the TV lower and took her hand.

"Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"You've never been alright, have you?"

"No."

He nodded and scooted closer to her on the couch, wrapping his arm around her.

"Why did you lie?"

"Because. I didn't want Wes to grow up with a mother who was scared of every little noise, who couldn't sleep without the lights on, who would retreat into her own head for days, who cringed when someone sat on the side of her bed. That's no life for a child. I couldn't teach her to try new things and take risks when all I could do was sit at home and listen for the door opening when it wasn't supposed to. So I faked it. I faked it until I really thought I was fine. I knew it was stupid, Mulder. But that's all I could think to do."

"Why didn't you talk to me about this?"

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. And I know you never would be, but for some reason, all this makes me like a thirteen year old girl who has no common sense and can't make any decisions emotionlessly. Mulder, I simply didn't know what to do. I still don't. I really screwed up today. I scared her to death, and I never even asked if she wanted to talk about it. What am I doing Mulder? It's all wrong."

He pulled her closer as the tears started to trickle down her cheeks.

"It's not wrong, Scully. You're a good mother. You know that. Yes, you made a mistake. But so does everyone. I don't know where to go from here, or how to help you, but I do know that everything is going to be okay. Between you and me, Wes is going to be just fine. I don't want you to worry. Alright?"

She nodded against his chest and he settled them back against the couch, pulling the old scratchy blanket over them.

"He asked if she was his."

"What did you say?"

"I lied."

"Good."

"Mulder, he's been watching us. For weeks. He knows where we live, where Wes goes to school. He knows our routines. He could grab me, or her and take us away."

"I called Skinner. They've got a task force out there looking for him. If he gets close, they'll find him."

"They looked for him before, Mulder. They couldn't find him."

"I know."

"Even from that letter he sent, they couldn't track him down."

"I know."

"What if-"

"No. Don't mess with that right now. You just trust that they are going to do their job so you can focus on yours."

"I don't want to be scared for the rest of my life."

"I don't want that for you either. I wish I could say or do something that would make this easier, but I can't. It all has to be you."

She nodded again and he brushed her hair away from her face.

"Go to sleep, Scully. Nothing bad is going to happen tonight. I'm right here."

"Thank you."

They were quiet for a long time, and she finally gave in to the emotional and physical exhaustion and fell asleep. Mulder held her as she slept, his mind trying to find the elusive cure for this, the one clue that could lead them to finding Gavin and locking him up forever. Just as she had been haunted by the event for so many years, he had been haunted by the fact that that one time, he hadn't gotten there fast enough. Just that once, he'd been too late, and now her entire life was defined by it. Neither one of them would change the outcome, but the path they'd had to take to get there would be better erased from both of their minds.

He'd kill Gavin if he could. There was no doubt in his mind that once he got his hands on the man, he would be committing manslaughter. He'd ruined lives and then run free. Even the conspiracies he'd uncovered didn't seem that unjust and wrong.

"Papa?"

"Go back to sleep, sweets."

She ignored him and stood up from her sleeping bag, rubbing her eyes.

"Can I sleep on the couch with you and mommy?"

"Sure."

She climbed up next to him and wiggled herself under his other arm.

"Is mommy feeling better, Papa?"

"Yeah sweetie. She'll be just fine."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I totally got you with the last chapter, didn't I? That was my evil plan all along. Mwahahahaha! In other news, my feet are so cold that they are numb.

* * *

The room was silent save for the ticking of the clock. They stared at each other, neither of them sure what the protocol was for a situation like this. She wanted to explain, but that seemed trite. He wanted to yell, but that would just make things worse. So they sat. For a long time. It was like an awkward scene from a straight to video movie, and she knew she had to break the silence somehow.

"Mulder, say something."

_Way to pass the buck, Dana._

"I don't know what to say."

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I don't like this idea. I'm thinking that I want to support you, but I don't know how. I'm thinking that this sucks."

She shifted a little on the couch so she could face him.

"It's not exactly the easiest decision I've ever made. You look mad."

"I'm trying not to be. I just wonder if you really have to move."

"I don't know what else to do, Mulder. Gavin found me, and he could come back."

"But if he found you here, what makes you think that he won't find you somewhere else?"

"He won't have anything to go on, Mulder. He knew I worked for the FBI, so it was a natural deduction to figure out that I lived here. If I go to New York or South Carolina or French Lick, Indiana, he's not going to have a clue where I am."

He sighed and stood from the couch.

"Scully, do you really want to spend the rest of your life running from him? You haven't even been home in five days."

"I didn't know we were a bother," she whispered, looking down at her hands.

"You're not. I love having you here, but I don't want you to spend your life like this."

"Mulder, that man is a violent rapist and murderer. Do you really think I should risk this? What if he took Wes?"

"Scully-"

"My mind is made up, Mulder. I have to leave. Maybe it's running, but her safety is more important than saving face. If it was just me I wouldn't bother, but I can't put her in danger."

"I get that. Believe me. There is nothing I want more than for you two to be safe. But do you really have to move that far?"

She sighed and nodded her head slowly.

"You're really going to take her away from the only home she's ever known? The only father she's ever had?"

"You're not her father, Mulder."

"I'm the closest thing she's got. I'm sorry, Scully. I understand why you're leaving and I'll support that decision to a degree, but I can't bear the thought of living without seeing the two of you every day."

"Mulder, as much as I love you, this isn't about you."

"I didn't say it was, Scully. I'm just having a hard time processing all this."

"You're not the only one, Mulder."

"I don't want you out of my life, Scully. You're going to leave and then life is going to take over and we're going to fade away from each other."

"Mulder, that's not going to happen," she said, her voice rising to meet his.

"Why not? You don't need me. You've made sure you don't depend on me, so what is keeping us together?"

She stood up from the couch too and tossed the remote onto the table. The mute button slammed against the wood, and the volume came back on, startling both of them. Mulder took the remote and turned the TV off and they stared at each other again.

"I thought we were friends, Mulder. Best friends. Two minutes ago, you were Wes's father, and now you think that a little distance is going to change that? We don't see each other as often so we don't love each other as much? Is that what you're saying?"

"No! I'm just… I don't… how is this going to work, Scully?"

"I didn't claim that I knew that, Mulder. I don't know how it's going to work. No one said that we can't visit each other. No one said you couldn't move too. No one said that the phone is now obsolete. We're not going to become strangers."

"I don't think you get it, Scully," he said, running a hand through his hair as he started to pace. "My entire life, my family, everything, it's you two. If you were gone, I don't know what I would do."

"Mulder, we're not going to be gone! Yeah, maybe we're not just a fifteen minute drive away, but we're still in your life."

"Then let me take care of you! Let me be the friend that you say I am. Let me help you make this decision."

"I can't do that. Yes, you're my friend, and we do consider you family, but when it comes down to it, you're not my husband and you cannot make this decision with me. It's not about your life, Mulder. I love you and I want your support, but part of being my friend is accepting the decision that I have made instead of second guessing it."

"So you only want me around when it doesn't trample on your independence, is that it? Well too bad, Scully. It doesn't work like that. Either I am your friend all the time, or I'm not your friend at all."

"Mulder, that's not fair."

"Yes it is, Scully. You can't just keep shutting me out and letting me in and shutting me out and letting me in whenever it suits you. I can't keep up with that, and I can't really be in your life if that's how it's going to be."

He turned away from her and started to leave the room and she moved quickly to follow him.

"Mulder, don't."

"Scully, I can't do this anymore. I love you, but-"

They both stopped walking as they noticed a little figure in the hallway. Her nightgown fell to her ankles and she chewed on one finger while tears rolled silently down her cheeks.

"Oh baby," Scully breathed, taking a step towards her.

"Don't yell anymore," she said, wiping one tear away. "I don't like it."

Scully crouched down in front of her and took her hands.

"I'm sorry for yelling, honey. Sometimes grown ups argue."

"But it means you don't love each other."

"No it doesn't."

"But we're going away."

"Sweetie, that has nothing to do with the argument."

"I don't want to move, mommy."

Scully sighed, wishing she knew what to say. As a kid, she had always vowed that once she grew up she would never move. And she'd done a good job until now.

"Lynnie," Mulder started, lifting Weslynn into his arms. "Sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do because they're good for us. Like taking your vitamins or going to bed on time."

"But Papa, I want you to come with us!"

"I know, honey. But mommy's right, we'll still see each other."

"But not every day like now."

"I know."

She hugged his neck and rested her head on his shoulder, sniffling a little.

"We're sorry for yelling, honey," Scully said, rubbing her daughter's back.

"Yeah. We'll try not to do it anymore."

"Okay."

"Do you want us to tuck you in again?"

She nodded. They took her back into the bedroom and settled her in the middle of the bed.

"Where's Bear Bear?"

"He's right here, honey," Scully answered, handing her the worn teddy bear. "Close your eyes and go back to sleep."

"Are you going to lay down with me?"

"I'll be back in a little while. I have to talk to Papa first. Okay?"

"Alright."

They returned to the couch and sat down.

"I wasn't trying to second guess you, Scully. I really wasn't."

"I know."

"You're my family. You're all I have and I don't want to be without you. I don't want to miss Wes growing up. But if that's what it's going to take for you guys to be safe, then I understand, and I won't fight it."

"Mulder, like I said, you can see us anytime. We'll figure it out. But this is the only solution I can think of."

He hesitated a moment, then drew her into his arms, kissing the crown of her head.

"I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I yelled, Scully."

"I'm sorry I yelled back."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too. We'll be just fine."

"Promise?"

"Of course I promise."

He sealed the promise with a forehead kiss and tucked her under his chin. They would be fine. They had to be.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Figured we needed a nice, smiley chapter after the last few downers. Happy reading. And thanks to my Julia, my Jule, my Julesy!

* * *

Scully blew the hair off of her forehead and dropped the scrub brush into the bathtub. She had gotten Weslynn a package of bath time crayons that weren't supposed to stain the tile. They had lied. She was now spending a nice sunny afternoon scrubbing the bathroom.

"Wes, honey you're pretty quiet in there," she said.

"I'm just making something."

"Are you going to clean up after yourself?"

"Yes. I promise."

"Okay. Carry on."

"Can we call Papa later? The game is today."

"What game?"

"Mom!" Weslynn sighed, coming out of her room. "The Yankees versus the Sox!"

"Sorry. I forgot to mark it on the calendar."

She would never understand Weslynn's fascination with baseball, but she suspected it was because it was something she could do with Mulder. They hadn't seen him in several months, as visits to Boston weren't always easy for him. He called a lot though, and that seemed to work for the most part, but a lot of days, Scully missed him almost desperately.

"Mom, can I use some glue for my project?"

"You can use some stick glue."

"I need runny glue."

"May I ask what you're doing?"

"Umm…"

Her voice trailed off and Scully grinned.

"Did you get into your glitter?"

"It's only on my desk!"

"If you don't spill on the carpet, you can use runny glue. Just don't go wild."

"Mommy, I never go wild," she answered, shaking her head. Scully just smiled and went back to the bathroom. She couldn't believe that her tiny, pink, squealing baby girl had grown up into a seven year old, articulate, intelligent, humorous little woman. It seemed like a week ago that they'd looked at each other for the first time, and now she was in school and riding a bike and taking care of her own pet hamster. She was growing up, and growing up fast. Scully felt the need to capture almost every moment with pictures, but she never had the camera out or ready. She supposed it was about time to just pay someone to take pictures, but she wasn't sure how much Weslynn would cooperate with that. She could be painfully shy at times, especially when the attention was on her. She would much rather sit back and observe, and then share her thoughts later when she was comfortable.

The phone rang and she peeled off her gloves as she walked into the front room.

"Hello?"

"Hey Scully, it's me."

"Hi Mulder. What's up?"

"Nothing really. I'm about to go into a meeting but I wanted to talk to Wes for a few minutes."

"Okay, just a second."

She put her hand over the phone and called Weslynn into the room.

"You have a phone call."

"Who is it?"

"I'll give you three guesses."

"Papa?"

"Bingo."

She handed the phone over and Weslynn took it excitedly, holding it with both hands.

"Papa, are you going to watch the game? Do you think we'll win? Should I wear my hat for luck?"

"I can't watch the game today, but you watch it and tell me all about it, alright?"

"Okay."

"And I think if you wear your lucky hat, we have a real good shot at winning."

"YES!"

"I'll call you tomorrow and you can tell me about the game, okay?"

"Okay."

"I need to get off the phone soon, so can I talk to mommy real quick?"

"Yep. Mommy, he wants to talk to you!"

"Wes, you don't have to yell, I'm right here."

"I know!"

She rolled her eyes and took the phone back.

"Yes?"

"What are you guys doing this weekend?"

"Nothing that I know of. Why?"

"If this meeting goes well, I might be able to make it up there."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You interested?"

"What do you think?"

"Yeah, me too. I'll call you later and let you know."

"Alright."

"I gotta go. I love you."

"I love you too, Mulder."

* * *

"Mommy, is my shirt washed?"

"Yes, it's in your drawer."

"I can't find it."

Scully sighed and got up off the couch, tossing her book onto one of the cushions. Weslynn was making sure she had her outfit to watch the game in, even though the first pitch wasn't for another hour. She even had a pad of paper and a pencil ready to take notes for Mulder.

"Mommy, if I can't find my clothes I won't be happy enough to watch the game! You have to help me."

Scully pulled the second drawer open and produced Weslynn's "lucky baseball shirt" and Mulder's Yankees tee that she wore over that.

"There you go."

"Good. I think I just panicked."

"Your hat is on your doorknob. Are you going to change now?"

"No, I want to eat a snack before the game and if I get food on my clothes they won't be lucky anymore."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Papa."

"Honey, it's time you learned that Papa is crazy."

She just giggled and shook her head.

"He's the smartest man in the whole world. He told me so."

"Oh brother."

"He said you would say that."

Scully laughed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you two."

"Neither do we. Can I have a snack now?"

"Sure. What do you want?"

"Can I have strawberries and peanut butter? It will taste like a sandwich, but I won't have to eat the crust."

"That's really what you want?"

"Yes, please."

There was a knock on the door and Weslynn bounded out of the room to the front door.

"Wes, look through the window first," Scully reminded, close behind her.

"I know," she replied, peeling back the curtain. "It's Papa!"

"What?"

"It's Papa, it's Papa, he's here!" she shouted, struggling with the deadbolt. Scully reached over her and unlocked the door. Weslynn pulled it open, then vaulted herself at Mulder. He managed to catch her and pick her up.

"PAPA!"

"Hi Lynnie."

"We didn't know you were coming. Did we mommy?"

"No, we didn't," Scully answered, trying to tone down the smile that was nearly splitting her face in two.

"Now we can watch the game together, huh Papa? Can you stay all night? And tomorrow too?"

"Yes, I can."

She clapped her hands in excitement and kissed his cheek.

"I'm having a snack. You want some?"

"Sure."

"I'll get you a plate!" she said, wiggling out of his arms and running into the kitchen.

"So that call earlier, was it the airport you were going to, not a meeting?"

"I'm wily."

She chuckled as hugged her. She always felt so safe and happy and complete in his arms, and she'd really been missing the feeling.

"How long are you here for?"

"I have to leave Sunday night."

"That's not very long."

"I know it's not. But it was the best I could do."

"I'll take it."

"Papa, the game is going to start soon!"

"I know. You'd better go and get your baseball watching clothes on. And grab a jacket too."

"Why a jacket?"

"Because my dear, you and I are going to the game."

"What?"

"I have tickets for this game. Two of them. And you're coming with me."

"Really? For reals?"

"Yeah, for really reals. If it's okay with mommy."

Weslynn just looked up at her and Scully laughed.

"There's no way I would say no to that. Go change your clothes, baby."

"YES!"

She ran off to her bedroom and Scully patted Mulder's chest.

"You're nice."

"Sorry I didn't ask you beforehand."

"That's okay. You don't need to ask. She's practically your kid, if the matter of taste is any indication."

"Yeah?"

"She's been eating sunflower seeds."

"That's my girl."

She hugged him again, burying her face in his chest.

"I'm glad you're here. I missed you."

"I missed you too. I don't like being away from you."

"I don't like it either. I wish it could be different."

"I know. That's why I-"

"Papa, let's go or we'll miss first pitch. Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

"Alright," he agreed with a chuckle, reaching down to straighten her hat.

"Honey, you be good, and hold Papa's hand okay?"

"I will, I promise."

"And not too much junk food, okay?"

"Okay," they answered in unison.

"I'll call you if we're going to be late," Mulder said, leaning in to kiss her cheek as Weslynn pulled him out the door.

"Alright. Drive safe."

* * *

Weslynn stared out the window as she tapped her converse clad foot against the seat in Mulder's rental car. She'd covered the shoes in Yankees stickers earlier this morning, and the tongue of each shoe had a glittery "NY" emblazoned on it. She was pretty sure they were the coolest shoes ever. Mulder was in full agreement.

"Papa, do you think A-Rod will hit a homer?"

"Probably."

"Think we'll catch a ball?"

"If one comes our way, I'll try and get it for you."

"Can I get a hot dog?"

"Sure."

"But I have to not tell mommy, right? I have to tell her I ate chicken strips, right?"

"I don't want you to lie."

"But that's what you said last time!"

"I know. And I was wrong to do that."

"Oh. So I can tell mommy I had a hot dog?"

"Yeah. There won't be anything she can do about it after you eat it anyway."

"Mommy calls stuff like that 'working the system'."

"Well, it kind of is. But I think mommy would understand."

"Probably. She's nice."

He finally found a space within walking distance of the entrance, and pulled the car into the spot.

"Are you ready, sports fan?"

"Totally! Let's go!"

He helped her out of the car and they walked towards the entrance. Weslynn held his hand tightly as they navigated through the throngs of people, but soon they were finding their seats. It was close enough that they could tell what was going on, but much further away than watching it on TV. Weslynn plopped down in her seat, then stood up again, scoping out the field.

"I hope nobody tall sits in front of me."

"If they do, I'll hold you up so you can see."

"Okay. Can we have a hotdog now?"

"We'll go in a while."

"Okay."

She stood there quietly, taking in the pre-game action. Mulder chuckled to himself as he watched her concentration. She looked just like Scully when she was concentrating, even down to the lip biting. He never realized how fast she was growing up until he saw her again. Two inches in the last three months at least. Her hair was longer and losing some of its curl and she was missing a tooth. She was barely a little girl anymore.

"Papa, they're going to sing!" she shouted, as a woman came out to sing the national anthem. "You gotta stand up cuz you're an American, right?"

He chuckled and stood next to her for the duration, then sat back down as the game started.

"Look, there's Carl Pavano! He's so awesome, huh?"

"Yes, he is. Who's your favorite?"

"Derek Jeter! Duh!"

She turned back to the field and was fully transfixed on the game. She only jumped up once when Carl Pavano threw a fast ball past one of the Sox, who was obviously not paying attention. She did, however, squeal in delight when Alex Rodriguez slid into home.

"They're gonna win, Papa. I just know it," she announced as they players jogged off the field between innings.

"Maybe so. Come on, let's go get a hot dog."

"Yes!"

He picked her up and placed her on his shoulders, and they wove their way through the crowds to the concession stand.

"Hey Papa, wanna know what?" she asked, leaning down to talk in his ear. "At school once, this boy gave me a Mets hat."

"What? Why did he give you a Mets hat?"

"Because I always play baseball at recess, and he likes me. And he picked the METS! Can you believe that? What a dummy."

He chuckled.

"What did you do with the hat?"

"I threw it in a muddle puddle."

"For that, you get two hot dogs."

* * *

The game was in the final minutes, and Weslynn was getting sleepy. She and the teenaged boy in front of her (who had happened to catch the only fly ball of the game) had cheered "Come on Yanks! Wash those Sox and lose them in the dryer!" for the better part of an hour, and now she was totally wiped out, sitting on Mulder's lap and watching the game through glassy eyes.

"Wes? Honey, do you want to leave?"

"No, not yet. We gotta see if they win. I have to cheer for them if they do," she answered, trying to fight a yawn. Her eyes fluttered closed and stayed that way, even through the end of the game. She woke up a little when Mulder stood up and helped her into her jacket.

"Hey," the kid in front of them said, turning around. "You want this?"

Weslynn looked at the ball he held out for her, and then grinned.

"Really? But you catched it."

"I know. But I got a lot of them. Besides, you helped me cheer, and I think we made the Yankees win."

"They won? I fell asleep."

"That's okay. You cheered pretty loud. Here, take the ball. You can go down and have them sign it."

"Even Derek Jeter?"

"Yep."

"Could you sign it too?"

"You want me to sign the ball?"

"Yeah! You were my cheering partner!"

He chuckled and grabbed the pen he had been using to keep track of the box scores, signing his name quickly.

"Here ya go kid."

"Thanks… Scott!" she said, reading the name.

"You're welcome. Bye."

He wandered off and got lost in the crowd, while Weslynn turned to Mulder, her mouth agape.

"Did you see that, Papa? He just gived it to me for no good reason!"

"I saw. They say Yankess fans are the best."

"Yep, that's the truth. Can we go down and get the ball signed?"

He looked at his watch and sighed.

"Yeah, we might as well."

They gathered their things and headed down to wait outside the locker room. There weren't very many people down there, as the reporters were probably outside the home team's locker room. Weslynn shifted from foot to foot, her excitement growing by the minute. It wasn't long until players started to trickle out of the room. She boldly held her prize out for them, making sure to inform each one that a nice boy named Scott gave the ball to her. They all smiled as they signed, a few of them even shaking her hand.

"Derek Jeter!" she shouted as her favorite player came out of the room. "Derek Jeter! Can you sign this? Please? Pretty please?"

He chuckled and crouched down next to her, signing the ball.

"What's your name?"

"Weslynn. I cheered loud for you. Me and the kid who caught this ball. We cheered for you to wash the Sox and lose them in the dryer. Cuz Papa says everyone loses socks in the dryer, just not the baseball player kind. Did you hear us cheering, Derek Jeter?"

"I sure did, Miss Weslynn. You have a nice evening, okay?"

"I will. Thanks for winning!"

He gave her a smile had went on his way while Weslynn practically shook with excitement.

"Did you see that? I talked to Derek Jeter! I can't wait to tell mommy! Can we go home now?"

"Sure."

He held her hand as they made their way to the car. She was humming "Take Me Out To The Ball Game," but by the time she was buckled in, she was almost asleep again. Mulder leaned in to the car and kissed her cheek, brushing her hair away from her face. He never wanted to sped another day without her.

* * *

When they finally got home, it was nearing midnight. Weslynn was snoring gently as Mulder picked her up out of the car and took her inside. It took a second to figure out how to hold her and get the door unlocked, but he finally managed. All the lights were off, and he quietly made his way to her bedroom where he took her jacket and shoes off and hung her hat on the bedpost. He tucked the blankets tightly around her and made sure her stuffed caterpillar was in the crook of her arm before kissing her forehead and leaving the room.

He went back to the front door and made sure it was locked before creeping into Scully's room. She was laying on her side and had probably been asleep for a good hour. He slid in behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

"Hey," she said sleepily, snuggling back into his chest. "I tried to stay up until you got home. I just couldn't."

"It's okay."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah. I'll let her tell you about it."

"Mm-kay."

"Are you awake enough to talk for a bit?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"I have to tell you something."

"Is it bad?" she asked, turning just slightly and rubbing her eyes.

"No. It's part of the reason I came up here this weekend. I had to sign some papers for a townhouse."

"A what?"

"A townhouse. I'm moving."

"Here?"

"I forgive the silly question because you're tired, but yes."

She smiled and rolled over to face him.

"When?"

"Two weeks. I'm going to work at the field office, and the townhouse is only three miles from here."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

The moonlight reflected off the tear that was coursing down her cheek, and he leaned down to kiss it away.

"I've always wanted you with us, Mulder. I never thought it would happen."

"You really thought I could stay away forever?"

"No, but… it just never seems like our time, does it?"

"It's always been our time, Scully. It's been hard sometimes, but it's always been you and me."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him gently.

"I'm glad. I don't want you to be anywhere else."

He laced his fingers with hers and kissed her forehead.

"This is the only place I belong."


	22. Chapter 22

"Happy birthday, baby girl," Scully said, laying down next to her daughter. Weslynn stirred and woke up.

"It's my birthday?"

"Yep. Today is February 4th and you are 10 years old."

"I like being 10 so far."

"I'm glad."

"Is it time to wake up?"

"Not quite."

"Is Papa coming for birthday breakfast?"

Scully smiled and twisted one of Weslynns' curls around her finger. The two of them were close. Inseparable most days. But Mulder was never far from Weslynn's mind, and she wasn't satisfied unless the three of them were together.

"He'll be over in a little while."

"How long until my party?"

"Your friends will be here around five. We've got lots to get done before then."

"Like cleaning my room, huh?"

"Yeah. And Papa's going to take you to the video store and to get some pizza."

"Okay," she replied sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "Now that I'm ten, does that mean I have to call you mom now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, being ten is not being a little kid anymore. So I can't call you mommy."

"Of course you can. I like that you call me that."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. It was the first thing you ever said to me."

"It was?"

"Yep. Your first real word."

"Papa told me it was Yankees."

"He's nuts."

They laid there quietly for a while, watching the sun come up outside. Scully couldn't believe that it had been ten years ago that her daughter had been born. Ten years of laughing and crying and loving so intensely she could barely hold it in. She ran her finger gently over Weslynn's face, thinking about how much she had changed. Long gone were the chubby cheeks and tiny hands. She wasn't even that tiny, pig-tailed, rambunctious, giggly girl anymore. She had very serious moments, held long conversations, had chores and homework and trouble with friends.

"Mommy, I'm hungry."

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Just cereal."

They got out of bed and went into the kitchen just as Mulder was coming in the door.

"Happy birthday, Lynnie!" he said, picking her up in a hug.

"Thanks Papa. Did you eat breakfast yet?"

"Yeah."

"Was it a candy bar like last time?"

He chuckled and set her down on the ground.

"You sound like your mom."

"Good. You listen to her."

* * *

They spend the rest of the day cleaning up the house and getting ready for Weslynn's party. She was very excited to have 10 of her close personal friends spending the night. She'd already planned things for them to do and had spent twenty minutes begging Scully to let them do make overs. The fact that none of the girls had make-up hadn't occurred to her.

The doorbell rang a few minute before five and she ran towards it, almost tripping over her own feet.

"Hi Katie!" she shouted, giving her best friend a hug. "I'm glad you're here first. I was getting super bored waiting by myself."

"Hey, I'm not boring!" Mulder said.

"You are sometimes, Papa. But that's okay. Me and mommy still love you."

"Is this true?" Mulder asked, turning to Scully who was putting Katie's things on the couch.

"Yeah, of course we still love you."

Katie giggled behind her hand. She was over often enough that she was used to the way things worked in this house.

"Do you girls think we should start putting the pizza in the oven, or should we wait until everyone gets here?"

"I'm really hungry now, but we might eat it all before everyone gets here, especially if Papa is in there."

"What is this, pick on Papa day?"

"Yes!" Katie shouted with a laugh.

"You girls. I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

They laughed and went to stand by the front window to wait for the other girls.

"This is going to be a long night," Mulder commented. Scully just smiled.

"They'll entertain themselves. We're just here to make sure they don't run with knives or invite boys over."

"Boys? Don't they still think boys have cooties?"

"Not really. But the boys still think they have cooties, so there are a lot of hurt feelings in the fourth grade class right now."

"She's never talked to me about boys," he said, slightly sullen.

"She probably never will, Mulder. That's just not something girls talk to their dads about. She'll just ask you to pay for the wedding."

"Bite your tongue."

She chuckled and walked over to hug him.

"She may not talk to you about boys, but soon she's going to be telling you how much she hates me and how unfair I am and how she would rather live with you."

"That's not true."

"It is. She and I are going to fight and she's going to go running to you. That's just how it is."

"You're okay with that?"

"Of course not. But that's how it might be, so I accept it."

"Think she'll hate me someday?"

"Doubt it."

* * *

"Mommy, can we have some popcorn?"

"You just ate two pizzas and ice-cream."

"What's your point?"

Mulder chuckled as he wiped the table down.

"Come on, Scully maybe the popcorn will soak up all the rest of it."

Scully sighed and tried not to look into Weslynn's eyes. But it was too late. She was a goner.

"Alright, you can have some, but once it's gone, I'm not making more."

"Guys, she said yes!"

"YES!" came a chorus of voices from the other room. Mulder laughed and took the popcorn out of the cupboard.

"Can I put extra butter on it?"

"No you may not."

"Oh come on."

"No."

He put the popcorn in the microwave and glanced into the other room. The girls were listening to the radio and dancing around the room. Mulder had seen Weslynn and Katie do this a lot, and he still didn't understand it.

"When are they going to go to sleep?"

"An hour or two. You might want to go in and make that fort."

"What is it with Weslynn and forts?"

"I don't know. But she says you make them best."

"Yeah, I am pretty cool."

She snickered as he left the room.

"Dana, can I have a drink of water?" Katie asked.

"Sure sweetie."

She retrieved a glass and filled it with water, then sat back down at the table. Katie sat across from her, quietly sipping the water and looking out the window. Her parents were in the middle of a messy divorce and she had become quiet and withdrawn in the last few weeks. She'd spent many nights with Weslynn and they'd easily adopted her into their family.

"My dad moved out," she said softly after a moment. "He moved out of our house, then he moved out of grandma's house and he found a new house for himself. I don't think he's ever going to come home."

"I'm sorry, sweetie."

"I think they forgot about me."

"Katie, that could never happen. I think they just have a lot on their minds right now."

"It makes me sad."

"I know. And it's not fair either. And you're probably mad. But eventually, it's going to get better."

"They said that they still love each other. They just don't love each other together. But them together makes me and my brothers. So does that mean they don't like us?"

"Of course not. It just means that they get along better when they don't live together."

"Is that why you and Mulder don't live together?"

Scully chuckled.

"Probably."

"Do you think my mom and dad will get back together?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Sometimes parents do, but most of the time they don't. They're always gonna be there for you."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And I'm always here if you ever need me too. Okay?"

"Thanks, Dana."

She hopped down from the table and returned to the living room.

* * *

"I'm so tired," Scully said as she sat down on the bed next to Mulder. They'd retreated to the quiet of her bedroom while the girls watched a movie and squealed over how cute one of the characters was.

"I thought boys were wild," Mulder agree, rubbing his eyes. "Girls are insane."

"I don't disagree."

There was a knock on the door and Weslynn poked her head in.

"What's up, honey?"

"I just came to say goodnight," she said climbing up onto the bed with them.

"Are you guys getting tired?"

"Yeah. We're going to watch one more movie, and then we're going to go to sleep."

"Did everyone fit in the fort?"

"Yep. It's the best one you ever made, Papa."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.

"Happy birthday, Lynnie. I love you."

"I love you too, Papa."

He hugged her for a long time. Scully could tell that he was thinking the same thing she was. Weslynn was getting too old, too fast.

"Goodnight mommy," Weslynn said suddenly, breaking into Scully's thoughts.

"Night baby. I love you."

"I love you too. See you in the morning."

She hopped off the bed and the watched her go, their eyes full of pride, but still sad.

"You did a good job with her, Scully."

"No Mulder. We did."

Weslynn slipped from the room and joined her friends in the fort. There was popcorn all over everything, but she just brushed it off her sleeping bag and climbed in.

"Where'd you go, Wes?"

"To say goodnight to my mom and dad."

"I thought he wasn't your dad," Olivia said, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in her mouth.

"Well he's not really. He's just my mom's friend. He's pretty much my dad though."

"They're not boyfriend and girlfriend?" Chelsea asked in half shock. Weslynn and Katie cracked up, as if the thought was absurd.

"No way. They love each other, but they don't even kiss."

"Where's your real dad?"

Weslynn shrugged and pulled a piece of popcorn apart.

"I dunno."

"Let's start another movie," Katie suggested, standing up from the floor. "I brought Harry Potter."

"As long as it's not the one with Cedric Diggory. I love him but now all I see is Edward Cullen and it makes me gag," Weslynn said, shaking her head.

* * *

"Do you remember when she was born?" Mulder asked, twisting a strand of Scully's hair around his finger.

"Barely. I was so drugged up. I remember seeing her and holding her later, and I kind of remember my mom being there."

"That's all?"

"You came later. I have no idea what we talked about or how long you stayed."

"Yeah, you were pretty zonked."

"Sometimes I wish I was back there. Everything was new."

"Remember how she used to scratch everything she touched? It was like she was evaluating it," he said with a smile.

"And that day you taught her how to blow raspberries. She spit through three shirts."

"How she'd suck on her pinkie finger until it was wrinkly."

"The way she crawled up and down the stairs instead of walking until she was five."

"She was odd."

Scully chuckled as Mulder rolled over and pulled her into his arms.

"She's growing up and you hate it."

"I don't hate it, Mulder. I just… I love watching her grow, but at the same time, I just wish she was a little girl again. She used to climb up in my lap and just sit with me, but now she's too old for that stuff."

"But remember back then how you always talked about her growing up and how excited you were to just be able to sit and talk with her?"

"I didn't want to trade one for the other."

"I bet she'd climb up in your lap if you asked her to."

"Mulder," she chuckled.

"What? She would."

"I'll be okay."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"You know, we've changed a lot too."

"We have?"

"Yeah. Before her, before everything, you and I were… we were friends and we loved each other, but we weren't bonded like we are now. We didn't laugh as much. We talked at each other rather than to each other. I liked us back then, but I like us now too."

"I do too."

He ran his fingers over her forehead and down her cheek, then let his thumb rub over her lips. She applied the slightest pressure back and their eyes met for just a second before his lips covered hers. He could feel her heart start to pound almost immediately and he brushed his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her. She pulled away after a moment, her breath hitching in her throat and a tear trickling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she breathed, looking away. "I thought I was ready, but maybe I'm not. And it was just a kiss. That's all it was and I can't even… I'm so sorry, Mulder."

"Scully, you have nothing to be sorry about. It's okay."

"But I… I should be over this. I should be fine."

"But honey, if you're not, then you shouldn't be. Don't force it. I know it's been a while, but that doesn't matter. It's a process."

"You're the safest thing in my life, Mulder. I don't want to ruin it. I don't want this to change that."

"It's not going to. I am always going to love you, together or not. It makes no difference to me."

"It does make a difference to you."

"No. Scully, we don't have to have a romantic relationship for me to love you. We don't even have to kiss to get that point across. I think we know how we feel. Maybe someday we'll be together, and maybe we won't. As long as you're in my life, the outcome doesn't matter."

"How can you love me that much?" she asked as the tears fell freely from her eyes. He brushed them away and held her tightly against his chest.

"Because you love me that much."

She cried against his shirt and he held her tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered finally.

"Thank you too."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead again. Same page, same path.


	23. Chapter 23

Mulder was just closing down his computer and putting his files away when he heard a knock in his front door. He wasn't expecting anyone, and it was getting kind of late, so he was confused as to who it could possibly be. Standing from his chair, he walked towards the front door and checked through the peephole.

Weslynn was standing there, her eyes focused on the floor while her teeth nibbled at her nails. He opened the door and she looked up at him, her face streaked with tears and her eyes red.

"Lynnie, what's the matter?"

"We got in a fight."

"Who, you and mom?"

"Yeah."

"Come inside."

She followed him to the couch and he brushed away the tears that had started to dribble down her cheeks.

"Tell me what happened, sweetie."

She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. Her fingernails were painted dark purple, the paint chipping off and the nails bitten down further than normal. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and fiddled with the many bracelets she had on her left wrist.

"Next weekend is Katie's fourteenth birthday party. And mom said I could go, and then she changed her mind. And we got in this huge fight and I called her names. And then I just… I made her really, really mad. I've never seen her that mad before. And she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore and she went in her room and…I didn't know what else to do, so I came here."

"How did you make her mad?"

"I said… I lied. I told her that I wished I had my father because he would take my side. And I shouldn't have said it because its not true, and I know how much she hates talking about him. But I just got so mad," she explained with a sniffle. "I didn't think about it, it just came out. And I want to tell her I'm sorry, but I don't think she'll listen to me."

"Honey take a breath. It's going to be okay."

"I've never seen that look on her face before."

"I know."

"I really messed up."

"I know that too."

"What do I do?"

"Well honey, first, you don't run away."

"Fail."

"Second, you go back home, and you apologize for what you said."

"I hate that she won't tell me. I mean, don't I have a right to know who my father is? Does she think I'm going to go looking for him? I don't even know his name. I don't know if he's dead or alive, I don't know why they broke up, I don't know if he has other kids. Papa, I could date my half brother and I would never know it. She can't just keep lying to me. It's not fair."

"Sweetie, she has her reasons."

"I'm so tired of hearing that!" she shouted, standing up from the couch and throwing her arms in the air. "You guys always say that. You always act like I can't handle knowing, like I'm just a little kid or something. Well I'm not anymore! I'm fourteen years old and I'm not a kid, and I want to know the truth!"

"Weslynn," he started, standing up. She backed away a little at the use of her full name. He'd never really used it before. "Have you ever thought that there was a reason that we haven't told you everything? Maybe we're trying to keep you safe."

"I don't care about that! Maybe you think you're keeping me from being hurt, but you're not. Being lied to hurts. It hurts a lot. You of all people should know that."

He sat back down on the couch, defeated. She was right, at least with this angle of the argument.

"Okay, I hear you. I'm going to take you home, and the three of us are going to sit down and talk about this together."

"She won't talk."

"Maybe she will. Maybe she'll let me talk for her. But we need to do this. Okay?"

"Alright."

He leaned down and hugged her and she sniffled into his shirt.

"It's not that I want another father," she said, rubbing her eyes. "I don't. You're the only dad I want."

"I know, sweetie."

The drive back was silent, as was the house when they returned. Mulder thought it was a bad thing, but they found Scully in the kitchen, finishing the dinner dishes.

"Mom?"

"I know, sweetie."

She dried her hands on the dishtowel and gathered Weslynn in her arms, neither of them saying anything. Mulder had witnessed this kind of reconciliation a few times, and it never surprised him that they didn't need words.

"Sorry I took off," Weslynn said as they pulled apart.

"It's okay. I knew where you were going. But don't do it again, okay?"

"Okay."

"Fight over?"

Weslynn took a deep breath and looked over at Mulder, who simply nodded.

"Mom, I want to know the truth."

Scully sighed and nodded. Mulder could see the emotions in her eyes, the feelings of guilt and dread, and he wanted to fast forward this night. He felt the pain deep in his chest and couldn't imagine the pain in hers. Her eyes drifted up to his and locked there, and he held his hand out to her. She took it and he could feel the shaking.

"Let's go sit down," he said, taking Weslynn's hand in his free one. She looked unsure as she followed them into the other room and they all sat down on the couch.

"I don't really know where to start," Scully admitted, her eyes on the carpet. "I should have been thinking about that, but I didn't want to."

"It's okay."

"I guess I'll start at the beginning," she said, taking a deep breath. "We were out of town on a case. There was a man taking women, hurting and killing them. Sweetie, are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes."

Scully swallowed hard and looked at Mulder, silently begging him to finish the story. He didn't want to, but felt it might be a little easier for all of them if he did.

"Lynnie, this guy, Gavin, he took your mom."

Her stomach lurched and she could picture her mother being taken and hurt. It was something that she could see so clearly in her head. Bits and pieces of pain and tears. She took a deep breath and blocked it out.

"He didn't hurt me too much," Scully said, tipping Weslynn's chin up. "Not at first. He was looking for someone to love him. But honey, he was…" she looked up at Mulder and took a deep breath. "He was a… sex offender."

All the pieces suddenly fell into place. She closed her eyes as her breath came in gasps. This man had taken her mom. He'd taken her and hurt her, done unspeakable things to her. Unspeakable things which resulted in her own existence.

Her body felt like it was gripped in a vise, her vision started to blur and she felt faint. She could feel her blood pulsing through her veins but it ran cold. Her lips tingled as she tried to take breaths, but it was just too much.

"Sweetie-"

"No! It's not true, it's not!"

"Wes, don't."

"No, don't touch me! Just stop!"

She jumped up from the couch and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Scully seemed to wilt into the couch, tears trickling down her face. She winced as she heard Weslynn getting sick in the bathroom and in one movement, she stood up from the couch, years of rage bubbling up inside her, taking over her actions as she pushed the vase of flowers off the side table and grabbed a pillow, trying desperately to rip it to shreds. Mulder stood up and gathered her in his arms, despite the fists that she threw against his chest.

"I hate him!" she sobbed, still fighting Mulder's arms. It was the first time in almost fifteen years that she had openly admitting hating Gavin. Even after that day in the parking garage, her anger had never come out so blatantly.

"I hate him for doing this to her. I hate him for what he did to me and I hate that it doesn't matter to him. He doesn't have to live with it. He doesn't have to see her like this. I hate him, Mulder. I hate him."

"I know. But right now, you can't think about that. Your daughter is the in the other room and she needs you more right now than she's ever needed you before. You can be mad and scream later, and I'll be here, but you need to go in there and take care of her."

He could feel the anger drain from her body and she turned away from him.

"Mulder what do I say?"

"I can't tell you that. She's your daughter."

"I know."

He watched her walk slowly across the room and he sat down on the couch, his head in his hands.

Scully knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

"Wes, can I come in?"

"Yes."

She opened the door and found her daughter, pale, shivering, and curled up in the fetal position on the bathmat. Her heart broke once again and she sunk to the floor.

"It can't be true," Weslynn muttered, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, baby."

"You can't love me."

"What?"

"You can't. Not really. What he did to you… I'm here because of that. Don't tell me you don't think about that when you look at me. Don't tell me you don't see him when you look at me. Don't tell me that you can love me in spite of it."

"Honey, what he did to me, that's in the past. What he gave me, that's what's important. I'm not saying that I just got over it, because I didn't. I'm still not dealing with it all that well. But sweetie, while your conception resulted in your existence, your existence is not defined by your conception. It never has been, not in anyone's mind. You are the most wonderful gift I have ever gotten. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I love you so much I don't even understand it. I don't think I ever will."

"But how?"

"Someday you'll know. When you have your babies and you look into their eyes, there is nothing in the world as powerful and as encompassing as the love you have for them. No pain or anger or hatred even comes close."

Weslynn sniffled and sat up, crawling into Scully's lap, as if she was still a little girl.

"I shouldn't have made you tell me."

"I shouldn't have made it such a big mystery."

"All this time I thought he just ditched us. I thought he died. I thought so many things, but never this. Never something so horrible."

"I know."

"Did they catch him?"

"No."

"Is that why you're scared?"

"What?"

"When we left DC. Is that why?"

"Yeah baby. It is."

They fell into silence, holding each other and just letting the tears flow. Nothing could really be said, and there was nothing either one of them needed to hear either. All they'd ever had for sure was each other, and right now that raw simplicity was enough.


	24. Chapter 24

Scully stepped through the door and shed her jacket, hanging it on the tree by the door. She sighed and moved into the kitchen, dropping her keys and purse on the table next to the mail. It had been a long day and she wanted nothing else than a dinner and a long soak in the tub. They might even have to order out because her feet were not up to the idea of standing in the kitchen cooking for half an hour.

She walked down the hallway towards Weslynn's bedroom. She never wanted the same kind of Chinese food, and Scully wasn't sure where they were on the menu. She could hear chattering from Weslynn's room and she peeked around the door, finding Weslynn and Katie sprawled out on the floor, eating candy.

"I mean, I understand why she hesitates, but honestly, it's been years. A lot of years. 16 if you wanna get specific."

"Yeah Wes. But what happened was… horrible."

"I know that. I get it. But through all the horribleness, he was there. He's always been there for her and he's always been there for me, and he's been waiting for years to be with her. I don't know why she won't take a plunge and be with him."

"Maybe they're not as in love as we thought they were."

"Katie. It's my mom and dad. They're insane in love with each other. They were insane in love years before I ever showed up. They'd be together now if it weren't for me."

"Maybe they are in love. But I think it's more complicated than that."

"No. She's just scared. She's always scared, but she shouldn't be. He's not going to hurt her. He's not even going to rush her. They always talk about how much they trust each other, but it's such crap. If she trusted him, really trusted him, she would let him have that heart she's so carefully chained up. He loves her, Katie. And she just pushes him away and I see how it hurts him, but I think it's always going to be this way. They're going to live the rest of their lives like this and it makes me so sad."

"They're adults, Wes. They can make their own decisions. I agree, it seems stupid after all this time, but you can't change it."

"Slap me if I ever act like this."

"Consider yourself slapped."

Scully backed out of the doorway carefully, not wanting them to be aware of her presence. She kind of knew Weslynn felt this way, but hearing it out loud put it into a harsh perspective. She was teaching her daughter to run and hide and deny, when those things were the exact opposite of all she'd ever stood for. It was so false and such a lie and she hated herself for doing it.

Sighing she turned back and knocked on the door again.

"Hey girls, I'm getting Chinese. Make your requests now or eat nothing but rice."

"Szechuan chicken!"

"Crispy beef with hot sauce!"

"Egg rolls!"

"Hot and sour soup!"

"Egg flower soup!"

"Hong Kong lo mein!"

"Refried beans!"

"Katie, that's Mexican," Weslynn laughed, hitting Katie with a pillow.

"I got excited."

Scully chuckled and went to place the order, the whole time thinking about what Weslynn had said. It was definitely time to stop shoving this under the rug. She needed to do something and soon.

She hung up the phone and grabbed her coat again.

"Girls, I'm going to run an errand. Food money is under the Elvis duck."

"Okay!" they chorused as she headed out the door.

Soon she was behind the wheel, driving down the familiar roads and biting her lip while she thought. She had no idea what she was going to say, or even if she was ready, but maybe it was time to do this.

She parked her car next to Mulder's and turned it off, taking a deep breath. She'd never been this nervous when going to talk to him.

She made it up to his apartment in a fog, only coming back to reality when she heard herself knocking on the door.

"Hey Scully."

"Hi."

"What's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Uh-oh."

"No uh-oh, just can we talk?"

"Sure."

She followed him inside and shook her head when he gestured at the table. This was definitely a couch conversation.

"What's up?"

She took a deep breath and very quickly told him what she had overheard the girls talking about. His face remained the same, but she could tell he was totally taken by surprise.

"You weren't expecting this. I know. I wasn't really either. But I think I'm ready. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of looking at you and seeing how much you love me and being totally paralyzed by it. I'm tired of telling myself that I don't feel the same way that you do. We should have had this conversation years ago, but I was so terrified of everything that I couldn't form the words. And I'm sorry. I didn't want you to ever think that I didn't trust you."

"I know, Scully," he said, pulling her into his arms. "I know. I didn't want to pressure you or make you feel like your needs didn't matter."

"You never made me feel that way, Mulder. I always knew you would wait. I just didn't expect that I would make you wait this long."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you doing this just to make Wes happy?"

"What?"

"I have to ask. You only came over here because of what she said. I need to know if this is you or her."

"You really think that I would just do this for her?"

"Scully, her whole life, every single thing you have done has been for her. I don't think you even realize that you do it. And in some instances that's good, but in this one I really need to make sure this is you."

"You know what Mulder? Forget it. Here I am baring my soul to you for the first time in years and you question me? I'm trying to be honest and you don't believe me? I'm telling you what you've been waiting for and you act like I don't know what I'm talking about? How can you do this?"

"Scully-"

"No. I shouldn't have come. Things were fine just the way they were. This was a bad idea; I should have known it."

"Don't-"

"I'll go."

"We can talk about this."

"I don't think so, Mulder. Not this time."

"Hey, I waited for you for years," he started, following her to the door. "I was patient and understanding and now you're just going to say "screw it" and leave? That's not fair. Maybe I need some time to think too."

"I don't know what you want from me! You want to be with me and then you say you need time? Fine. Take all the time you want. Call me when you trust my judgment."

"Scully, don't go."

She pulled the door opened and stepped out, then turned back, her eyes more venomous than he had ever seen.

"Don't you ever, ever use my daughter as an excuse again."

She slammed the door behind her and the clock on the wall shook with the force of it. He stood there quietly for a minute, not sure what to do. He never thought this conversation would end up so far away from target.

* * *

His phone rang just after six the next morning and he rolled almost off the couch to grab it off of the coffee table.

"H'llo?"

"What did you do?"

"Lynn?"

"Yes. What did you do to mom?"

"More information, kid."

"Don't call me kid. Mom came home last night and went straight into her room. She didn't come out all night and when I went to check on her she was crying. She wouldn't tell me why. I know she was over at your place and I know something happened. My mom doesn't just cry for fun. What did you do?"

"Sweetheart, we had an argument."

"That's crap and you know it. You guys argue all the time. I don't really care about the specifics, but you had better fix this before I come over there and fix you."

"Lynn."

"I'm serious. I love you, but she's my mom and I'm taking her side."

He nodded even though she couldn't see him, and let out a sigh. He hated when she was right.

"I'm on my way."

"You'd better bring some chocolate too."

He hung up the phone and took a quick shower, then headed out the door. The drive was too quick and he pulled up outside of their house just over half an hour after the phone call. He sat in the car for a moment, running his hands through his damp hair. The talk they were about to have was going to change the course of their entire lives.

He got out of the car and walked up to the front door, taking a deep breath before he opened it. Weslynn was sitting on the couch, twisting a strand of hair around her finger and reading a thick book that probably had a small font.

"She's in there," she said, jerking her thumb in the direction of Scully's room. She didn't look up from the book, much less meet his eyes and he walked over to her, pulling the book down from her face.

"It takes two people to fight, kid. I just want you to remember that."

She nodded and he went into the bedroom, the door creaking as he opened it. Scully was laying on the bed, her back to him. He didn't know if she was awake or not and he sat down slowly on the bed.

"You really hurt me last night, Mulder," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," he answered, laying down behind her. "It's not that I don't trust your judgment. I just want to do this right."

"I realized that about an hour ago. I'm sorry I just sprung it on you. I didn't mean to, but I didn't know what else to do."

He brushed her hair from her face and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"I wrote this letter a long time ago. Right after Wes was born. I was going to wait to let you read it, but I think you need it now."

She sniffled and took the paper from him and unfolded it, rubbing her eyes before she read it.

_Scully,_

_Neither one of us is really much for sentimentality, but tonight I couldn't sleep and this was all I could think to do. I know you know that I love you, even though the number of times I have said it is less than the number of normal ties I own. I really do love you though. More than I really understand. And today, looking at that sweet little mini-Scully in your arms, I was overcome once again. You're my whole world, Scully. My life. Everything good that has ever happened has been from you. I don't think I can ever repay that. I will always love you, Scully. No matter how life turns out, you always have my heart, and I will do anything to protect yours. Anything._

_Mulder_

She wiped the tear that was trickling down her cheek and turned to look at him.

"I don't want to mess this up either, Mulder. If it didn't work, I don't know what I would do."

"I know. And I've had this conversation in my head so many times, but I can never think of anything to say that would assure you. I think we just have to jump in."

She nodded and he kissed her forehead.

"We'll go slow, and we'll make sure we're both comfortable with everything. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, after 24 years together, can I finally really kiss you?"

"I guess that would be okay."

"You sound really excited."

She smiled and reached up to pull him closer.

"I haven't had butterflies since the twelfth grade," she said, giggling right before his lips fell upon hers. They glided together for a moment before finding that perfect balance, the precise harmony that had fastened itself to every other branch of their relationship. His fingers traced across her face and through her hair, cradling her head in his hand, while her own fingers trembled against his neck. He pulled away after a moment, looking down at her. The lack of sleep, the previous tears, or simply the kiss had turned her eyes the deepest shade of indigo, one he had never seen before.

"You're good at that," she whispered, one hand resting against his chest.

"You're better."

Her face flushed and he smiled before capturing her lips again.

"I love you, Scully."

"I love you too, Mulder."

Twenty-four years in the making for this one perfect moment that would define the rest of their lives. Completely worth it.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Last chapter. I have been putting this off for a long time, but I have another multi-chapter in the works, and wanted to finish this before I started that. I have loved writing this, loved how it's been received, and how it ends is not what I had originally planned, I think it still works. Thanks for reading.

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Scully opened the oven and looked inside, estimating that the roast would be done in the next hour or so. She added a little water to the pan, then closed the oven, wiping her hands on a towel.

"You're not supposed to be cooking on Mother's Day," Mulder said, looking over the rolls that were rising on the counter.

"Yeah, but if this was up to you, we'd be going to the diner."

"I guess you're right."

"I always have been."

"Yeah, and you always say that too."

She rolled her eyes and got four plates down from the cupboard while he gathered forks, knives and spoons without being asked.

"Where do you want the high chair?" he asked, pulling it out of the utility room.

"I guess on that corner."

He put the high chair where she indicated just as the front door opened.

"We're here!" Weslynn called before coming around the corner. She had a present in one hand and a diaper bag in the other, but in Mulder's eyes, she was still five years old, playing house with her dolls.

"Hey Lynnie. Where are the boys?"

"Nolan kicked his shoes off and Jake is trying to find them. I told him that we can find them later, but my logic is futile."

"I heard that," Jake said as he came into the house behind her, their son wiggling desperately to be put down.

"Hey buddy," Mulder said, taking his grandson and kissing his cheek.

"Down!" Nolan shouted, pushing against Mulder's chest. He chuckled and obliged, and the toddler headed for the kitchen.

"Gumma!" he shouted, looking for Scully. She appeared around the corner and he clapped his hands in delight. "Gumma, gumma!"

She picked him up and held him close.

"Hi little man."

He smiled and laid his head on her shoulder as she walked back into the other room.

"You're cracked, little girl. I still got moves," Mulder was saying.

"Yeah, down to the ground when your hip slips out of place," Weslynn replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "I could take you."

"Wanna make good on that?"

"Is it proper to make threats on Mother's day?" Jake asked, looking back and forth between them. They ignored him.

"Let's do this daddio. We'll be back before the gravy is done."

Scully sighed and watched them go outside, Nolan toddling behind them.

"Honey, go easy on your dad," she called after them. "Remember last time with his ankle. Jake you make sure."

Weslynn laughed as Mulder opened the garage door to get the basketball out and Scully shook her head and went back into the kitchen to start the salad. She gathered the vegetables and started to wash and peel them, her eyes on the basketball game outside. She couldn't believe how fast time had gone, couldn't believe that her little girl wasn't so little anymore, and had a family of her own. She couldn't believe that after so long, she and Mulder had finally gotten their heads on straight and were living the life that they had both been missing.

She started peeling the cucumbers and watched as Nolan walked around the yard, plucking dandelions from the ground. She could almost hear him humming to himself, lost in his own world. He was like his mom in that way, perfectly content alone. She watched as he walked up the porch steps, the yellow flowers clutched in his hand. She heard him grunt as he pushed the door open, then heard his bare feet slapping against the linoleum.

"Gumma, pretties!" he shouted, holding the flowers up for her to inspect. She knelt down and looked at them making the appropriate "they're so beautiful" noises, while he beamed up at her.

"It for you," he said, pushing the flowers into her hand. The stems were wilted and a few of the petals had started to turn brown, but it was quite possibly the best bouquet she'd ever received.

"Thank you honey," she said, turning around to get a small cup. She filled it with water and stuck the battered flowers in, watching as Nolan smiled.

"I get pretties for Gumma," he said, rocking back and forth on his feet, a self satisfied smile on his face.

"Yes, you did. Do you want to go get some for mommy too?"

"Yeah!" he shouted, clapping his hands and running out the door. She chuckled and grabbed the vegetable peeler as the phone rang. Sighing, she grabbed the phone off the counter.

The words came gently, but with the force of a gong, ringing in her ears almost deafeningly. She held onto the counter to keep her balance but ended up sliding down to the floor anyway. She managed to squeak out a response and finish the conversation before tears pooled in her eyes and sobs wracked her body. She tried to catch her breath and her composure as she heard the door open. Mulder and Weslynn entered the house, bickering good naturedly until they saw her curled up on the floor.

"Honey, what happened?" Mulder asked, crossing the room and kneeling down next to her.

"He… someone… I…" she stuttered, trying to make sense of everything that was tumbling through her head.

"Mom, what is it? What's the matter?"

"He's dead," she finally choked out. "He's dead. He's dead."

"Who, mom?"

"Gavin. It's over now. It's all over."

They both crouched down beside her, wrapping their arms around her and joining in her tears; tears of anger that they'd held for so long, and tears of relief that they had been longing for. It was over, that was true, but in a way, it was also just beginning. They'd never been prepared for this, never even expected it, but they were embracing it, joyous over the end of what had been a bitter road. It didn't define them, and it never had, but now it didn't have a chance. The chains that had been holding the three of them fell away and a brand new tie started to bind them together.


End file.
